The Strangers
by TheTwoDianas
Summary: Their plan was simple: Write a note to Draco that seemed to be from Emily, lure him to the Room of Requirement, and pounce. Like a tiger on an antelope, like a shark on its prey, like a mouse on cheese, like a pack of fans on Orlando Bloom...
1. Changes

**The Strangers**

Chapter 1: Changes

Two girls, one slightly taller with chestnut brown hair and hazel eyes, the other one shorter with bright golden hair and icy blue eyes, stepped into the Great Hall.

Their names, although no students at Hogwarts knew them yet, were Emily and Brianne. They had transferred from Cordial Queen's University, the best wizarding school in America.

Albus Dumbledore stood before all the Hogwarts students and announced, "Please welcome our two new exchange students. Although they are most definitely not first years, they came from another school and now must be sorted into houses different from those they acquired at the other school."

Emily began to walk towards a stool with a shabby gray hat on it. As she walked she looked at her soon to be fellow students and thought, "Holy Cow there are so many hot guys here. That one with black hair is cute and ewwwwwwwww that redhead certainly isn't. Sick he's looking at his empty plate like he wants to slobber. Oi! That one's got good eyes. Silver, that's hot. Oi again! He's looking at me!"

Draco Malfoy gasped silently as he watched the new girl- she was definitely good-looking.

Emily finally reached the stool, sat and placed the hat on her head.

The Sorting Hat groaned inwardly as he looked into her thoughts. Another hard-to-place one, and all she was telling him with her thoughts was that she liked boys!

"Boys are so hot!" she thought to the hat (it was very strange thinking to the hat), "I think I like the one with the blonde hair."

_He belongs in Slytherin,_ the hat thought back. _Do you want to be sorted into his house? The Slytherins almost all come out bad._

"OH! I love bad boys. It makes them hot," Emily exclaimed in her head.

_The house mascot is a snake._

"Ew, no, I don't like snakes. But I like boys. Boys are hot. Snakes aren't."

The hat sighed. This was going to take a while…

"Um… Did I mention I like boys? I hear that Gryffindor is for brave people and I like boys, and boys are brave."

_That'll do _the hat thought. To himself he said, "She's definitely too stupid for Ravenclaw, and she isn't loyal enough for Hufflepuff."

The hat shouted, "GRYFFINDOR!"

The Gryffindors cheered loudly. Draco had a sudden urge to cheer, but he smashed it when he realized he was thinking the new Gryffindor was attractive.

The next girl, Brianne, walked up to the hat. Her walk was a quick funny gait.

Ron Weasley stopped stuffing his face long enough to look up –which was quite a feat for him- and thought she wasn't all that bad. She was an improvement on his current girlfriend, Lavender, anyway.

Grinning broadly, she sat down on the stool. As she sat, her robes lifted slightly, showing her mismatched socks. One was knee-high, with green and brown plaid, and the other was mid-shin with black and orange stripes.

Immediately the hat's mind was overcrowded with strange thoughts, all rolled in a senseless jumble.

"Hiya. Ohh…I'm hungry. Especially for chocolate. I need new socks. I think I should write about this in my journal tonight. Emily's in a house called Gryffi-something. I want to be in her house…"

_Do you like boys?_ the hat thought warily to her.

"They're friends. I get along rather well with boys. But if they annoy me in any way, I sock 'em. Ooh…it's dessert and they have chocolate! Hurry up!"

The hat was puzzled. This girl seemed to be slightly smarter than the last one. She was a loyal friend, too, but chocolate seemed to be her main priority in life. There wasn't a house for chocolate-lovers!!

"Hey…that redhead boy is eating chocolate… Maybe we could be friends. He looks nice enough."

_Red hair? She must be talking about a Weasley. There's only one place a Weasley can go, so I'll just place her with them. They certainly like chocolate…_

"GRYFFINDOR!!"

The Gryffindors were ecstatic. Two new students, and both were Gryffindors!

As soon as she reached the table, the blonde girl grabbed all the chocolate in sight. The brunette, feeling a little more adventurous, grabbed raspberry treacle and raspberry sherbet.

"Mmm, Brianne, this treacle is GOOD!! Try some!" she cried.

(Ron made a mental note- the blonde girl was named Brianne.)

Brianne, still grinning contagiously, selected some chocolate treacle and finished it in one bite.

"It is!" she replied, and grabbed some more.

(Ron stared. He'd never met a girl who could eat as much as he could.)

He noticed Brianne was still grinning widely. He looked over at Emily, wondering if she knew.

"Er, why is she smiling like that?"

Emily shook her head. "Nobody knows. She just gets into these fits where she can't stop smiling. She also has fits where she can't stop crying. Don't worry though…it'll wear off."

Ron glanced back at Brianne. Her smile was contagious, and he started smiling too.

So did Harry…and Emily…and everyone else. The smile spread like a bad case of diphtheria. Pretty soon everyone in the room was smiling, including Snape (the sight was scary) and Filch (well, at least it _looked_ something like a smile. Either that or he had just sucked a lemon.)

After the meal was over, everyone slowly started filing out and heading to their common rooms.

* * *

That night, in the common room, Emily came up with a very good question.

"Where are the bathrooms?"

"Um," Hermione said. "Outside… to the left, down the hall… in a corner… actually it's the right corner, but it's down the left hall."

Brianne tapped Emily on the shoulder. "Is this girl confusing you as much as she's confusing me?" she whispered loudly.

"I heard that!" snapped Hermione, while Ron and Harry stifled their laughter.

"Sheesh," Brianne looked at Hermione like Hermione was extremely weird and Brianne herself was perfectly normal (which was definitely not true).

Emily yawned. "I think I'll go to bed now."

"Nah, let's talk," Brianne said.

"Okay, but we have to talk where there are no boys because if there's boys around we can't talk about boys." Emily said, eyeing Harry and Ron suspiciously.

"Why in the world would we want to talk about boys?" Brianne said contemptuously.

Nevertheless, the girls went to their dormitory, which they shared with Parvati, Lavender, and Hermione. On the way up the stairs, Brianne winked at the boys.

Ron felt himself turning red.

* * *

Up in the dormitory, Brianne and Emily started a conversation with Parvati and Lavender about parentage, while Hermione sulked on her bed and glowered at Brianne.

"We're both Muggle-born," Emily said, about herself and Brianne.

"But it does have its advantages," Brianne cut in. "We know all about electricity, and-"

"Oh, Muggle boys are hot," Emily said dreamily, looking at the ceiling.

Brianne giggled. "Emily has had major crushes on boys. Me? I don't really like LIKE any boys, I'm just a friend to them. I get along rather well with boys, actually."

(Hermione glowered.)

"Except for when they annoy me and I have to punch them," Brianne added as an afterthought.

Lavender sighed. "None of the Gryffindor boys are even remotely cute. And some of them pay absolutely no attention to girls- like Ron."

"The redheaded one?" Brianne said thoughtfully. "Hmm, I don't blame him. Girls can be pretty silly and complicated."

"Well, I'm ready for bed," Emily announced. "Where do you brush your teeth?"

"Um," Brianne said in a mock imitation of Hermione. "Down the hall, through the wall, over the statue's head, under the staircase, and the bathroom is in the left corner- I mean the right corner- or is it on the ceiling?"

Hermione was very red and you could almost see the steam issuing from her mouth, nose, and ears.

Emily tried not to laugh. "Okay, well I'm going to find a bathroom."

"Okay," Brianne said cheerfully. "Have fun!!"

Emily walked out of the room. At the top of the stairs she finally let out the laughter she had been holding in and you could hear it echo all throughout Gryffindor tower. She had a very strange laugh. She hated it. Everyone lied and told her it sounded great, but she thought it sounded like a donkey running, stopping for breath, not being able to breathe and coming back to life with a snort. Sometimes she was so engrossed in her laughter you couldn't even tell she was laughing except her mouth was wide open and her face was turning red from lack of oxygen. She especially laughed this way around Brianne, who, in Emily's eyes, was extremely funny.

* * *

Well, back to the girls' dormitory. Hermione fumed silently, turning even redder, and almost exploding with anguish.

"I don't see what's so funny," she snapped, jumping up and running from the room.

Brianne stared after her. "Wow, some people. I'm going to bed." Immediately she conked out.

The other two girls followed, a little more gracefully, and soon all was quiet in Gryffindor tower.

* * *

Meanwhile, Emily, who had just walked out of the bathroom, having finished brushing her teeth, saw a pair of silver eyes in the darkness and screamed.

* * *

Back in the Common room Harry and Ron heard something funny sounding.

"Is that, that new girl that seems a little boy crazy?" Harry asked Ron.

"I think so," said Ron.

"Do you think she needs help?" asked Harry (his saving people thing had just kicked in).

"No, she's probably laughing again," Ron said off-handedly.

"Oh," Harry said shrugging, "You're probably right. Her laugh sounds like a donkey running, stopping for breath, not being able to breathe and coming back to life with a snort. Sometimes she seems so engrossed in her laughter you can't even tell she's laughing except her mouth is wide open and her face is turning red from lack of oxygen."

"Hmmm… I wonder where that came from?" Harry said, puzzled.

Ron shrugged.

**­­­­­­­­

* * *

**

Suddenly a hand clasped over Emily's mouth and her scream was cut off.

"What the cow was that?" came a boy's voice, "If that was a scream it was the strangest one I've ever heard. It sounded like a donkey running, stopping for breath, not being able to breathe and coming back to life with a high-pitched whistle!"

The boy let go of Emily's mouth and she turned to look at him. She gasped.

"Oi, you're hot," she blurted before she could stop herself.

Draco just looked at her wanting to say the same thing back but knowing if he did he would be**: **outcast by the Slytherins, hated by his father and probably murdered by some Death Eaters-

The Short Diana, one of the two brilliant authors of this story, suddenly appeared in midair next to him.

"No, no, no." she frowned, grabbing him by the ear and shaking him. "This is a HUMOR story!! That is too angsty!! So, now you will add to your little list of things of what will happen if you tell Emily she's hot-" The Short Diana glanced at Emily. "Oops, I just ruined this whole scene. Sorry 'bout that. Here-"

The Short Diana whipped out her wand, said an incantation, and wiped the last little bit of dialogue out of Emily's mind.

"Anyway, as I was saying before I so rudely interrupted myself… Draco, you will now add to your little list of things-"

She tiptoed and whispered something in his ear.

"Oh, okay." Draco nodded.

The Short Diana smiled and disappeared.

REWIND…

Draco just looked at her wanting to say the same thing back but knowing if he did he would be**: **outcast by the Slytherins, hated by his father and probably murdered by some Death Eaters, plus then his chocolate bar would melt from lack of being eaten!

He sniffled at the thought.

"Do you have a cold?" asked Emily. She was worried that if he kissed her that she might get his cold and she didn't want that no matter how hot he was.

"No." said Draco coldly.

"Fine Mr. Icee," said Emily angrily, "I'm going to bed," Emily started walking back toward Gryffindor Tower.

Draco sniggered. "Mr. Icee? You didn't even spell it right."

"What are you talking about?" said Emily, "I can't control the fact the Tall Diana can't spell right."

Draco fought back another laugh. Holy Jolly Rancher, this girl was hot and strangely smart. Apparently there was more to her than boy crazyiness.

"HA! Now you spelled crazyness wrong," Emily said.

"Well you didn't spell it right either, and besides it's not either of our faults. Once again, Tall Diana spells wrong!" he exclaimed.

"Well now, I think…" Emily began but her sentence was cut off as she fell to the ground.

Draco rushed to her side. He thought she was dead but then realized she was snoring. It sounded like donkey running, stopping for breath, not being able to breathe and coming back to life with a loud rumble.

Draco laughed and shook her awake. She was quite funny and very strange.

"What happened and who are you?" she asked pointing her finger at Draco while it was in a position that looked remotely like a gun.

"Ummm… you're getting tipsy. I think you should go to bed," said Draco warily.

"Good night!" said Emily suddenly springing up and running down the corridor towards the common room.


	2. I Wanna be POPULUR

Chapter 2: I Wanna be POP-U-LUR

The next morning at breakfast Emily was telling Brianne about the exciting trip she took to the bathroom to brush her teeth.

"He was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hot. He was very strange though. He looked sort of moody."

"Who are you talking about?" broke in Harry, who had just sat down next to them.

"Draco Malfoy," Emily said offhand. Harry gasped.

"NO, NO, NO!" screamed the Tall Diana after appearing out of nowhere. "You can't go about telling people that! He is in Slytherin, Gryffindor's worst enemy! We plan to have them find out later not now." She finished. "Stupid blabber-mouth," she mumbled. Then she did the memory charm on everyone in the room except Emily and Brianne. "Now, you are only allowed to discuss in detail last night's events with Brianne. KAPIESH?"

"Kapiesh!" Hermione broke in, "Isn't that Chinese?"

"I sure think so," said Brianne sarcastically. "I thought she was supposed to be smart…" she mumbled under her breath to Emily.

Emily laughed. Her laugh sounded like a donkey running, stopping for breath, not being able to breathe and coming back to life with a snort. Suddenly she was so engrossed in her laughter you couldn't even tell she was laughing except her mouth was wide open and her face was turning red from lack of oxygen.

"Whoa, whoa… you up there writing! You haven't written me out yet! Besides that you've used that description of Emily's laugh in almost the same form. About five different times!!"

"Oui! Pourquoi faire des gens gardent comparer m'à un âne!" said Emily angrily. (Whenever she felt a strong emotion she would shift to French. That roughly translated is: Yes! Why do people keep comparing me to a donkey!)

"OH!! You can speak German!" said Hermione.

Everyone at the table snorted.

"What?" asked Hermione.

Emily laughed again.

Her laugh sounded like a donkey running, stopping for breath, not being able to breathe and coming back to life with a-

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed the Tall Diana. "Please write me out so I do not have to endure such agony!" Then she fainted and disappeared magically.

"Who was that person anyway?" Draco, who had been observing the scene from the Slytherin table, asked Crabbe who was totally ignorant to the commotion and was stuffing his face.

"Whichpersonareyoutalkingabout?" he asked with his mouth full.

"Oh! Never mind." Draco turned his head toward the Gryffindor table. He saw Emily talking avidly to her strange friend Brianne. He would give 95728663 purple fluffy turtles to know what she was talking about.

"Hmmmmmmm… this is supposed to be a humor story and it's getting boring," said Harry to Ron.

Emily agreed as she had just fallen asleep. She was snoring. (For a description of her snore please look at chapter one)

Suddenly Snape was hovering over them. "Well, what do we have here? Oh, a donkey."

Harry's thing for defending people kicked in.

"Well…er…" but Harry couldn't think of anything to say at all.

Emily was awake now. "Oh! I'm so mad! I hate being called a donkey!" she said angrily.

Draco looked up and saw Snape over at the Gryffindor table. There was going to be trouble! He stood up and started walking towards where Snape was standing.

"Too bad," said Snape as he began to walk away. Six wands went up and six different spells hit Snape and in a purple flash of light he turned into… a tube of raspberry flavored toothpaste. All of the wands went down and everyone that had held one up began laughing silently.

The teachers and headmaster were aghast. They had seen the spell but none of them could identify the source, and really none of them wanted to.

Harry, Ron, Emily, Brianne, Draco, and Luna were all turning bright red. Draco kept walking. He headed out the doors. Luna had aimed all the way from the Ravenclaw table and was now in silent hysterics. Emily, Brianne, Harry, and Ron were clutching each other and practically dying from lack of air.

"What's so funny?" asked Hermione who had been looking at _Hogwarts a History_ while Snape had been cursed. The four didn't say anything but walked from the room together being on the verge of destruction by the extremely natural cause of death, laughing. The tube of toothpaste once known as Snape was laying on the ground.

"That…was…brilliant," said Ron gasping for air.

"DUH!" said Brianne, "that's obvious!" Ron looked at her. Everyone in the school knew she had a contagious smile since all of them had caught it the day before. What you couldn't see about her smile, unless you were standing right next to her like Ron, was that she had four perfect dimples- two at the corners of her mouth and two about a half inch under the parallel of her smile.

"Did that description of Brianne's dimples make sense to anyone?" asked Emily.

"It did to me," said Brianne. "It means I have one here, here, here, and here," she said, jabbing each of her dimples.

Ron was losing concentration. He was thinking that he was pretty sure he liked this Brianne girl and then the thought of smiling and mouths made him think of eating, and eating and dimples made him think of dumplings, and dumplings made him think of going to the kitchens even though he had just eaten breakfast.

"OH! How I wish we didn't have class right NOW!" said Brianne, breaking into his thoughts, "I just got a craving for dumplings and was thinking of going to the kitchens."

Ron was dumbfounded. She was so amazing.

"Come on Ron, we'll be late for Defense Against the Dark Arts," said Harry. "We want to make a good impression on our new teacher."

"Oh, yeah we have a new teacher. What's his name again?" asked Ron.

"It's Nwod Edispu," said Emily, "and we have the class with Slytherin." Inside she was rejoicing because she would see Draco again, but she didn't say anything because she was afraid of the Tall Diana's wrath.

"HEY!" exclaimed Brianne, "Has anyone ever noticed that Slytherin is like Sly There In?" Everyone looked at her puzzled. "Like sly people are in it!" she exclaimed.

"WOW!" said Ron, "How did you think of that? That's brilliant!"

Brianne blushed.

"I was going to say it was even more random than most your comments, but what the heck," whispered Emily to Brianne as they moved towards Nwod Edispu's class.

When they got there the Slytherins were all in the back and the Gryffindors were all in the front.

Except two. Emily had dragged Brianne over to where Draco was sitting and sat down and immediately started flirting with him.

"What's going on there?" Harry asked Ron.

"No clue mate. It seems that she is flirting with a Slytherin," said Ron.

"I think she must be under the Imperius Curse," said Harry.

"No she can't be," broke in Hermione who had been eavesdropping, "She's most definitely still alive and the Imperius Curse kills you,"

Ron and Harry looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with Hermione and why she was so stupid these days.

"Well!" said Harry going back to the conversation they were having before Hermione interrupted them, "I think we should save her by dueling with Draco. We will need to plan for a long time though."

"Why?" asked Ron.

"The Tall Diana doesn't get to write the next chapter and who knows what the Short Diana will write after this! We may not have a chance to duel him for five chapters!" said Harry exasperated because his saving people thing was overwhelming him.

* * *

In the back of the room Emily was talking to Draco.

"So… How are you today Mr. Icee? You know the funniest thing happened at breakfast…" Suddenly the door banged open and everyone in the room except Emily and Brianne screamed.

"HEHEHAHAHAHEHEHEHAHAHEHEHEHAHAHEHEHAHEHAH!" laughed Brianne and Emily. "That was so funny," they said together. The whole class looked at them.

"Remember when that guy ran away that time we screamed at him! That was hilarious! He was set on killing us but then he heard us scream and ran away." Brianne said, still giggling

"Yeah that was funny," Emily said and then suddenly frowned. Brianne did too as if suddenly realizing something. Instead of looking like laughing both of them looked on the verge of tears.

At the front of the class a very nasal man's voice said, "Well, hello class," The entire class jumped since they had been looking at Emily and Brianne. They all looked forward and were surprised to see their new teacher standing on his hands. The whole class started laughing except Brianne and Emily who were still depressed.

"My name is Nwod Edispu. I was not introduced at the welcome feast because I was not here yet. You see, it's difficult to be on time when you walk on your hands. I think we'll have lots of fun this year,"

"What do you think is wrong with Brianne and Emily?" Ron asked Harry. He was really only corcerned about Brianne but didn't want to let Harry know that.

"Dunno mate," Harry shrugged. He was looking at Nwod Edispu whose face was red.

"To begin class," said Professor Nwod Edispu, "I want to play a game. It's called name that movie and only Muggle borns will know what I'm talking about." Nwod cleared his throat, "Mowige, Mowige is whut bowngs us together today… " Brianne and Emily immediately burst out laughing.

"Princess Bride," they shouted in unison their distress forgotten.

"No yelling out," yelled Nwod Edispu as he promptly drew his wand and flipped them upside down. There faces turned red instantly possibly cause they were laughing and upside down at the same time….

The rest of the class period went this way and eventually everyone but Hermione (who somehow managed not to say something stupid) was upside down.

After class Ron confronted the still giggling Brianne and Emily.

"What happened back there? You guys seemed down," He immediately knew he had sad the wrong thing because they dampened considerably.

"Our parents were murdered by the man we were talking about and now all we have is each other and foster families"

"HALT!" screamed the Tall Diana appearing out of nowhere "NOTE: This is an angsty part so we will skip it and I will summarize. Their Muggle parents were killed when they were in America and people in Europe adopted them. The End! Now we will skip to the next day. Thank-you."

THE NEXT DAY

Overnight everyone had discovered that what had happened to Snape was Brianne and Emily's doing and they were suddenly popular.

"Hi Emily, hi Brianne," said Neville shyly.

"HI NEVILLE," They shouted in unison and Neville promptly passed out.

"Brianne, what are we going to give all of our new friends for Christmas?!" exclaimed Emily.

"How about…" said Brianne and then leaned over and whispered to Emily.

"GREAT!" yelled Emily


	3. To Have a Bite of Treacle

Chapter 3: To Have a Bite of Treacle

The Short Diana began her first solo chapter with a list:

THE SHORT DIANA'S LIST OF REASONS OF WHY SHE LIKES HAVING HER OWN CHAPTER:

1) I can pop in and out of Hogwarts whenever I want...even at dumb moments!

2) No strange spellings of words (the Tall Diana will be after my blood when she reads this one)

3) I can do WHATEVER I want to Draco Malfoy (such as eat his chocolate bar...ever since I added that little bit about his chocolate bar melting from lack of being eaten in the first chapter I've had this strange craving to eat his chocolate bar) I don't like Draco Malfoy, whereas the Tall Diana does. Now I can torture him without fear...

THE SHORT DIANA'S LIST OF REASONS OF WHY SHE DOESN'T LIKE HAVING HER OWN CHAPTER:

1) I have to write it all and keep it as funny as the other chapters without any help whatsoever. Yikes!

Deciding that was enough for now, the Short Diana went on with the story.

* * *

It was a long, dull History of Magic lesson, during which Professor Binns was lecturing them all on the origin of sad, sad stories. No one was paying any attention- except Hermione.

"And now," Binns announced, "you will all write your own sad stories, to be turned in to me at the next lesson. Begin."

Ron yawned and reached for his quill. He wrote at the top of a piece of parchment:

_The Sad, Sad Story of the Cow and the Bubotuber Puss_

Then he looked around for inspiration.

He nudged Brianne. "What do you think?"

She read his title silently and snorted. "That sounds stupid."

"Well, let's see yours," Ron said, his ears turning red. He wrestled her parchment away from her and read:

_The Sad, Sad Story of Bob "Bobbleyhead" Bobson_

Ron handed it back to her. "I notice yours doesn't sound too brilliant either."

"Yeah, well I'm still working on that," she replied, bending over her work.

Ron looked around to see other people's titles. Emily was busy writing "The Sad, Sad Story of the Girl who Laughed Like a Donkey" on her paper. Harry, after some thought, wrote "The Sad, Sad Story of the Boy with a Saving-People Thing". Hermione, working on "The Tragic Story of Leonardo Capet and the Day he Died", was the only person writing anything that looked even remotely intelligent.

Suddenly Emily burst into tears.

"Emily! What is it?" Brianne asked.

"It's my story. In it, there's - there's - there's a boy who's not h-hot!!" Emily wailed.

Brianne stood up and led Emily – still sobbing over the tragedy of the boy who wasn't hot - (Emily's sob sounded like a donkey running, stopping for breath, not being able to breathe and coming back to life with a shuddering gasp) out of the classroom and down the stairs.

On the landing they met Luna, who was wearing a colander as a helmet, a beekeeper's veil, and dragon hide gloves.

"Hiya, Luna," Brianne said (Emily was sobbing too hard to say much of anything). "What are you doing?"

"Oh - I'm blug-hunting," Luna said vaguely, turning her unblinking gaze on Brianne. "You can help, if you like."

"Okay. What does a blug look like?"

"No one knows," Luna said mysteriously. "The way to catch one is to close your eyes - and then reach out and grab it."

"All right, then," Brianne replied. She closed her eyes and then reached out and grabbed something –

"Hey Luna, is this a blug?" she cried.

"No," Luna replied. "That's Neville."

"Oh. So it is. Sorry, Neville," Brianne let go of the neck of Neville's robes. He gave a funny sort of squeak and scampered away.

After saying goodbye to Luna, Brianne helped Emily up from where she was weeping on the floor, and they went on down the stairs.

* * *

A few minutes later, Harry and Ron came down the same stairs. Suddenly, the Short Diana appeared right in front of them, doing her celebratory jig that she'd made especially for this chapter.

"Is anyone following me?" she asked them as she danced.

"Nope," said Ron.

"How about now? Huh? Huh?"

"No," said Harry.

"Ha!" the Short Diana said triumphantly. "I'm getting away with popping in and out of Hogwarts without the Tall Diana knowing...and look!"

She pointed to Draco Malfoy, who was being chased by a suit of armor.

"You did that?" Ron asked, impressed. "Not bad!"

"Who are you, anyway?" Harry asked.

But the Short Diana just smiled and, after doing three more steps of her celebratory jig, disappeared.

"Wow," Ron said. "I wish I could Apparate like that."

"I don't think that was Apparition, mate," Harry said thoughtfully. "That was more like... _popping_ from one place to another."

"Oh, okay," Ron said. "If you say so."

* * *

Just seconds after Harry and Ron left, the Short Diana appeared at the top of the stairs, still dancing.

And then...who should appear but the Tall Diana.

"Oh no!" the Short Diana wailed, ceasing to dance. "How did you know what I was doing?"

The Tall Diana, looking angry, shouted, "I knew you would do something like this behind my back! How _could_ you make a suit of armor chase poor Draco?!"

"This is _my_ chapter and I can do whatever I want," the Short Diana said.

"Speaking of which, stop popping in and out of Hogwarts!" the Tall Diana cried.

"You're ruining the fun of my chapter!" the Short Diana said, pouting.

The Tall Diana grabbed the Short Diana by the ear and popped out of Hogwarts, dragging the Short Diana along with her.

* * *

Later that night, in the Room of Requirement, Emily and Brianne were busy making... chocolate treacle fudge.

The first thing they added was packed brown sugar. There wasn't quite enough in the cup, but that was all right.

Emily scanned a recipe book. "Okay...we need molasses..."

"Oooh, I've always wanted to try molasses!" Brianne cried.

Before they added it to the bowl, she tasted a little.

"It tastes like horehound," Brianne said thoughtfully.

"It smells disgusting," Emily gagged.

Emily turned back to the recipe. "We need butter...yuck, that's a lot of butter. People don't need to eat that much butter! We'll only put in half..."

She scraped an unmeasured amount of butter into the bowl.

"Now salt!" Emily grabbed the saltshaker and shook some into the mixture.

Brianne grabbed the recipe and looked at it, trying to find something else she could taste. "Hey...it calls for unsweetened chocolate. I've always wanted to try unsweetened chocolate. Too bad we only have eight squares...there won't be any left over."

"We can just add six. I'm sure it won't make much of a difference," Emily said.

"Yeah, it probably won't," Brianne agreed readily.

The two girls each took a square of unsweetened chocolate and put it in their mouth.

"It's tasteless!" Brianne gagged.

"No...it tastes like _plastic_!"

They ran for the garbage can.

Having fully recovered a few minutes later, they continued their work on the treacle by putting it on the stove in a pot.

"I don't think it's thick enough," Emily said thoughtfully. "What thickens things?"

"Salt?" Brianne suggested. "More salt?"

"Oh, good idea!"

Dobby, who was for some reason in the Room of Requirement with them, squeaked tentatively, "Dobby wonders what young mistresses are planning to do with their treacle?"

"We're giving it to all our friends for Christmas," Brianne explained, as Emily emptied half the saltshaker into the pot.

Dobby gulped.

* * *

The next morning, Brianne and Emily handed out their treacle.

"You see, we tried treacle for the first time on the day we got here and liked it," Brianne explained to Ron. "So, we decided to try making our own and giving it to our friends for Christmas."

Ron took the small package of treacle she held out. "It isn't Christmas yet," he pointed out.

"Well, it's an early present then," Brianne said impatiently. She jumped up as an owl landed next to her with a package.

"It's from my foster family," she announced, crossing her legs so that Ron could see her socks –one was ankle length with red and pink hearts and the other was a white mid-calf length sock with blue polar bears. "I need to go Christmas shopping for them. They'd love wizard presents... I'll get them all something in Hogsmeade."

Ron cleared his throat nervously and said, "Do you want to go with me to Hogsmeade? I'm sure Harry will take Emily."

"Oh sure," Brianne said brightly. "Sounds fun."

She jumped up. "What am I doing, reading my mail? I have more treacle to hand out! Here, Harry..."

Brianne and Emily ran around, giving out packets of treacle to all of their friends, including Luna, Parvati, Lavender, Seamus, Neville, Ginny, Hermione (they'd decided to give Hermione some treacle just because), Padma, Susan...

Finally, after long last, Brianne was done and Emily only had one name left on her list.

"Oh, Draco!" she called, giving him the package in the hall as he came down to breakfast. "Merry Christmas! It's for you!"

He took the package. "What is it?"

"It's treacle," Emily beamed. Then she ran off.

"We have leftover treacle," Brianne said a few minutes later. "Let's put it on a table in the entrance hall and leave it there for anyone who wants it."

They did just that.

Draco pocketed the treacle, figuring he'd eat it later. Right now, he had other things awaiting him... such as his chocolate bar.

He sat down at the Slytherin table and started to peel back the wrapping on the chocolate bar. Suddenly the Short Diana appeared, grabbed his chocolate bar, and raced out of the Great Hall.

Seconds later, the Tall Diana appeared, brandishing her wand and looking displeased. She chased after the Short Diana. However, by the time she caught her, it was too late. The Short Diana had already eaten Draco's chocolate bar.

* * *

The treacle was awful. Ron had a stomachache for a week after he ate it. He seriously considered sending a sample of it to Fred and George for their Skiving Snackboxes – Terrible-Tasting Treacle, it sounded catchy – but decided that if he promoted the eating of the stuff, he would most definitely be a target for murder.

All over Hogwarts, people were getting sick and missing classes. Everyone was miserable. The only nice thing that happened was that the Short Diana put on an amazing tap-dancing display on top of the Slytherin table one morning before the Tall Diana found out and made her stop.

During a Transfiguration class a week or two after Emily and Brianne handed out their treacle, Ron got bored and started making faces at Brianne, trying to get a reaction. First, she snorted and raised an eyebrow, then she smiled, then she giggled, then she burst out in uproarious laughter. The whole class caught her contagious smile and looked like they were going to laugh too, so Professor McGonagall, looking irked, had Ron escort Brianne out of class.

"Why did you laugh so much?" Ron asked her as they made their way down the corridor.

"People making faces at me is one of my weaknesses," Brianne explained.

"I guess my faces are pretty funny, aren't they?" Ron said boastfully.

"Not as funny as the faces some people have made at me," Brianne said, looking thoughtful.

"Hello, Luna," she added as Luna passed them.

"Oh – hello," Luna said vaguely.

Suddenly a bunch of people emerged from the other end of the corridor, looking murderous.

A girl with whitish-blonde hair and an obnoxious-looking nose stepped forward. "I'm Ashley and I'm the leader of the A.T.E."

"The whatty-what-what?" Brianne said, frowning.

"The A.T.E. – Angry Treacle Eaters," another girl, this one with curly dark hair, said. "It's an organization of people who ate the treacle you and your friend left in the hall and are now mad because they had to miss class while recovering. I'm Addy and I'm the second-in-command."

"Addy and I are cousins," Ashley said. "We come from Hufflepuff."

"Figures," Ron muttered.

Ashley frowned at him. "Are you on her side?" she asked Ron and Luna, indicating Brianne.

"Yes!" Ron said proudly. Luna smiled and hummed.

"Well, we'll have to teach you _all_ a lesson, then," Ashley decided. She started to raise her wand, along with the other A.T.E. members.

Ron was quicker. "_Impedimenta_!" he shouted, hitting three boys on Ashley's left.

"_Expelliarmus_!" Luna suddenly cried, disarming half a dozen A.T.E. members, whose wands flew down the corridor and out of sight.

"_Expelliarmus_!" Ron shouted as well, but the spell bounced off a suit of armor and hit him instead. His wand flew high up into the air, hit the ceiling, and landed on his head with a shower of sparks.

The A.T.E. closed in further, causing Luna, Ron, and Brianne to get back-to-back. And no matter how many spells the three tried, the A.T.E. was not diminishing quick enough.

Brianne raised her wand, but suddenly her mind went blank.

"Er - _Double, double, toil and trouble_...?" she said hopefully.

"I don't think that's a spell," Luna said serenely.

"Well then, uh...I know! I know!" Brianne cried. "_Universary_!"

Dark red liquid fell from the sky, soaking every one of the A.T.E. members. Scowling, dripping wet, and slipping all over the floor, they tried to retreat.

"Ha!" Brianne said triumphantly, and with that she, Ron, and Luna escaped.

* * *

"Are you _sure_ you don't mind us going into Hogsmeade without you?" Ron asked Hermione.

"I'm fine. I'm going with someone else," Hermione replied.

"Oh? Who?" Brianne asked.

The Short Diana suddenly appeared.

"Who should Hermione go with?" she pondered aloud.

"Make her go with a boy," Emily suggested dreamily. "Boys are hot."

"That'll work," the Short Diana muttered, waving her wand.

REWIND...

"Oh? Who?" Brianne asked.

"A boy," Hermione said.

"Yeah, we kind of figured that," Harry said. "What boy?"

Hermione got up and left.

* * *

Harry, Emily, Brianne, and Ron spent a long fun day shopping at Hogsmeade together.

"Did you see those new candy-scented perfumes they had at Honeydukes? I want the peppermint one," Brianne said.

"Me too," Emily said back. "It's a shame the clerk told us to stop sniffing the bottle."

"Let's go to Zonko's," Harry suggested to the other three.

"You go ahead," Emily said, yawning. "I don't feel like it. I'll wait for you at the Three Broomsticks."

She stepped into the Three Broomsticks and accidentally dropped her purse. She bent over to pick it up when she bumped heads with Draco Malfoy.

"Oh hi," she said, smiling.

"Hi," he replied, handing her the purse.

They were having a pleasant conversation when Crabbe and Goyle burst through the door.

Draco saw that his reputation was at stake. As Crabbe and Goyle approached the table where he sat with Emily, he jumped up, said, "Good-bye, mudblood," to her in a cruel voice, and left.

Emily stared after him.

The Short Diana stopped him as he tried to leave. "You can't call her a mudblood!" she said angrily.

"What am I supposed to call her?" he snarled.

"A lollipop," the Short Diana said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"A lollipop? No way!" Draco said, and he pushed past her and left.

The Tall Diana appeared next to the Short Diana. "You're really starting to annoy people with your popping in and out. Come on, let's go."

* * *

On Christmas day, Emily and Brianne gave their friends presents they had picked out at Hogsmeade in place of the treacle, and they got some excellent presents themselves. Ginny gave them some of the peppermint perfume they had wanted. In their exhilaration, they scented Gryffindor tower so heavily with peppermint that they were obliged to spend a few hours with the windows open. Luna gave them each a box of assorted vegetable jewelry. Ron and Harry gave them bags of sweets... and so on and so forth. Overall, with the presents, a snowball fight, and an excellent feast, it was a very merry Christmas.


	4. A New Spell

Chapter Four: A New Spell

The Tall Diana chuckled maliciously; it was her turn to write. She sat with her computer and began to write. Immediately she wrote herself to where the Short Diana was.

"Ah HA! Now I've got you! Wahahahahahahaha," she cackled evilly.

"Wait," said the Short Diana, "I didn't write you in. That must mean…" Her face was that of shocked horror.

"Yes, it's MY chapter!" the Tall Diana cackled evilly again. She was enjoying herself immensely. She immediately wrote out the Short Diana. Then she moved on with the storyline…

* * *

Elsewhere in the castle two teenage boys were concocting a sinister scheme to bring down Draco Malfoy. The two boys were obviously Harry and Ron who had waited an entire chapter to start their scheming.

They weren't that worried about Emily really. Ron was just worried that Brianne would get hurt while Emily was under the obvious Imperius Curse of Draco. Why else would she seem to be madly in love with him? Ron shuddered at the thought that she could like such a monster.

Harry was caught up by his saving people thing the second he realized Emily was under the Imperius Curse and he was also semi-attracted to her because he hadn't yet fallen in love with Ginny (this is only year 5 ½), and he was going through a strange state in hormones where any girl who had such long, dark, beautiful hair as Emily's was gorgeous. He liked Brianne's hair too but she was just too weird.

Their plan was simple. Write a note to Draco that seemed to be from Emily, lure him to the Room of Requirement and pounce. Like a tiger on an antelope, like a shark on blood, like a mouse on cheese, like a pack of fans on Orlando Bloom…

The Short Diana leaned over the Tall Diana's shoulder. "That's getting intense."

The Tall Diana responded by giving her a good whack in the face and continuing.

The boys wrote the note. They got it to Draco and he was incredibly happy to see Emily wanted to meet him but he noticed her handwriting was terrible. It looked almost as bad as that Weasley kid's.

* * *

Emily and Brianne in the meantime were talking to Ginny who has been mysteriously missing from the story so far. Ginny was quite an interesting person to talk to and very smart they discovered (unlike Hermione), she also had a great fascination (like Emily and Brianne) with the word rutabaga and they were having a fascinating discussion.

"Rutabaga is so fascinating," said Ginny, "It's like an omimonipia, an aminomipia, and ominomipia." Ginny shook her head in frustration; she had said the same thing three times just because the Tall Diana was too stupid to spell correctly. "It's a word used to represent a sound. Can't you just see it?" Ginny used dramatic hand gestures to help them visualize. "A comic book with a long stretch of roadway and a car whizzing along going 'rutabaga, rutabaga, rutabaga.' Wouldn't that be fantastic?"

Emily and Brianne nodded in unison. Ginny was much more interesting than Hermione who was gabbing on and on about how rutabagas were some type of house and why they were terrible. In other words she was making a fool of herself again.

They were doing just this when the Tall Diana suddenly sneezed. And then she screamed. There were no tissues in the room she was in. She quickly ran to get a tissue and blew out all her boogies. It took several minutes.

While she was gone unbeknownst to her the Short Diana came in and wrote herself into the story. She looked over her shoulder every few seconds just to make sure that the Tall Diana wouldn't catch her in her heinous deed.

"Hiya," said she to Brianne, Emily and Ginny, "I just wanted to let you know that there are Death Eaters gathering in the Room of Requirement at…" she paused to check when Draco was meeting with Harry and Ron… "Midnight." All three girls gasped. This was terrible. Emily was horrified. They could be here to kill Harry who she suddenly fell into anguished love with on their trip to Hogsmeade, or even worse, steal her stuffed rhino. That would be awful.

The Short Diana laughed at the stupid humor she had snuck in but stopped when she heard the Tall Diana coming back. She jumped away from the computer and clutched her heart in mock horror.

"There was a flea on the keyboard and it was erasing your work, I had to smash it!" She shrieked. The Tall Diana rolled her eyes. She was in no mood for the Short Diana's practical jokes. Besides, how could a flea make the erase button work? Normally she would have figured it out but her cold made her too tired. She ignored her pesky counterpart and continued writing.

* * *

Their conversation with Ginny abruptly ended when Ginny caught a cold and went to the hospital wing. The Tall Diana did feel a little bad for making poor Ginny sick but at the same time felt a sense of immense pleasure.

Emily and Brianne, who were still in good health, had nothing to do. They paced and thought about the Death Eater attack.

The Tall Diana gasped. What Death Eater attack? She let her fingers follow the girls instead of them following her. This is what the Short Diana was hoping for.

"I think we should do something," said Emily in great courage no one knew she had. Of course, very few people knew about her stuffed rhino either, or her crush on Harry for that matter. "We need a spell, but what?" she mused.

Brianne snapped her fingers in realization and exclaimed, "Universary!"

"Of course!" said Emily. This was a word they had learned from a good friend who had deep difficulties saying the word 'University'. Plus, Emily had heard Brianne used it to scare away the A.T.E. and she knew it would work. Using this spell they formed a plan.

* * *

Draco walked into the Room of Requirement at the time in the note. He was more excited than a toothbrush. He had a dozen roses which had cost him lots of money and walked through the door expecting to see Emily but instead ran into Ron and Harry.

"I'm so bored!" exclaimed Harry. "This is the lamest chapter yet."

"What are you doing here?" exclaimed Draco. "Wow I just exclaimed a question!"

"Let me try." said Harry. "What is the capitol of Manitoba?" he exclaimed.

"My turn," said Ron. "Why did the donkey run away?" he exclaimed.

"I don't know, why?" Harry exclaimed, excited to be able to exclaim two questions.

"Because Emily laughed!" Ron was the only one laughing and suddenly Harry turned on him too.

"Are you saying her laugh isn't normal?" said Harry thinking of her long gorgeous hair.

"This means war," said Draco. They looked at each other

"Wait," they said in unison, "You're in love with Emily too?" they exclaimed.

They faced each other, Ron forgotten. Emily would be the victor's was the unspoken agreement. They were about to say their first curse when Emily and Brianne burst in.

"_Universary_," they yelled in unison. Immediately purple liquid rained down on everyone and purple gowns fell from the sky as well as raspberries galore. Soon all the boys were sputtering on the liquid and Ron had a raspberry up his nose. Emily soon realized who they were and stopped repeating the incantation. Brianne followed her lead.

"You aren't Death Eaters!" she exclaimed. (The Tall Diana was wondering what was going on but still allowed the story to follow its path.) The boys shook their heads and Harry and Draco rushed to Emily.

"Which one of us do you love?" they exclaimed.

Emily looked back and forth between the two, her eyes wild with thinking. Then she came to a conclusion.

"Valentine's Day is tomorrow so maybe I'll tell you then!" she exclaimed.

Suddenly it was tomorrow! The day Emily had been waiting for since she found out Harry and Draco liked her. (aka about five minutes). She was happy when the boys rushed out of the room and heading for Hogsmeade and bought her a ton of presents.

Emily was happy at the end of the day because they had tried hard all day to outdo each other and she had: 199 boxes of chocolate, 10 new dresses, and 1111 bushels of flowers.

"I'm in love with…" she began to tell the boys but the Short Diana cut her off, "My chapter, wahahahahahaha!" and the chapter ended with the Tall Diana thinking how short and boring this chapter was. Oh well.


	5. Step In Time

Chapter Five: Step In Time

Albus Dumbledore stood up. "Attention," he called to the students at Hogwarts. "We will be having a Celebration Ball in a week because we are all here, no one is sick because they ate some treacle -"

Emily and Brianne blushed. They didn't know Professor Dumbledore had eaten any of their treacle.

"- and because I feel like it. Those are truly causes to celebrate. So, prepare for the ball next week." He sat down again.

Suddenly, Ron, Harry, and Brianne fell over. They were suffering from shock because they thought that, due to the title of the chapter, it would be about dancing on the rooftops.

"I'll take care of them," Professor Snape said smoothly. He helped the three Gryffindors up and led them to his office. The Short Diana popped in and followed them all.

The Tall Diana suddenly appeared. "Stop popping in and out of the story!" she said, glaring at the Short Diana.

"No way!" the Short Diana said stubbornly.

The Tall Diana rolled her eyes and looked at Snape. "Wait – he got turned into a tube of raspberry toothpaste."

"I know," the Short Diana replied as they trailed behind the characters. "The Creevey brothers thought it would be fun to transfigure a tube of toothpaste, and they accidentally changed him back."

"Well, if you're bringing him back, you have to give him some sort of malfunction from the spell. The Creevey brothers aren't that great with magic and they probably messed up big time," the Tall Diana said as they entered Snape's office.

"A malfunction, eh?" The Short Diana tapped her chin with the tip of her wand. "Oh, I know!"

She waved the wand. Snape opened his mouth and said:

"Enchilada."

"Enchilada?" the Tall Diana repeated, staring at the Short Diana. "Enchi_lada_? _That's _your idea of a malfunction?"

"Yeah, it's brilliant, isn't it?" the Short Diana said happily.

The Tall Diana shook her head, grabbed the Short Diana's arm, and popped them both out of Hogwarts.

"What did you say, Professor?" Ron asked.

"Oh...nothing...I have just the thing for shock," Snape said, rummaging through a cabinet. "Ah – here it is-"

He pulled out an old dusty-looking bottle with a label that said:

_Mary Poppins's Magical Medicine_

He uncorked it and poured some yellowish liquid into a spoon. The Short Diana suddenly appeared, watching him.

"First you, Mr. Weasley,"

Ron swallowed the spoonful. "Mmmm...lemon-lime," he said happily.

The Tall Diana appeared next to the Short Diana. "Mary Poppins's Magical Medicine? Step In Time? What is it with you and Mary Poppins in this chapter?"

"I don't know," The Short Diana shrugged. "You know what they say: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!"

The Tall Diana grabbed her and popped them away again.

"Next you," Snape said, gesturing to Brianne. He poured some more of the liquid – which miraculously changed colors from yellow to brown – into the spoon.

"Oh, chocolate!" she cried when she tasted it. She licked the spoon clean. "Yum, yum, yum!"

"And now for you, Mr. Potter," Snape said with a particularly nasty smile. He poured out a spoonful of dark red liquid from the bottle. "Here is some raspberry cordial."

"NO, HE CAN'T HAVE IT!" the Tall Diana suddenly screamed, jumping forwards out of midair and snatching the bottle from Snape's hand. "Mine, mine, mine!"

The Short Diana appeared and grabbed the bottle from the Tall Diana. "It's _mine_!" she said joyously, running away.

"Hey, give that back!" The Tall Diana chased after the Short Diana, who disappeared the minute she touched her. The Tall Diana disappeared too, hoping to catch her.

"I have another bottle," Snape said, getting it from the cabinet and pouring out more medicine. This time it turned bright green.

"What flavor is that?" Harry asked suspiciously.

"Fresh pickled toad," Snape replied.

"Ewwww..." Harry wrinkled his nose.

The Tall Diana appeared with the Short Diana, who was drinking straight from the bottle of raspberry cordial-flavored medicine and holding _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets_ open to a certain page.

"'Fresh pickled toad'? What kind of a flavor is that?" the Tall Diana demanded to know.

"I ran out of ideas," the Short Diana said, licking her lips. "So I looked in here." She waved the book over her head.

"No, no, no!" the Tall Diana said. "If you've run out of flavors, use...um...mint jujubes."

REWIND...

"What flavor is that?" Harry asked suspiciously.

"Mint jujubes," Snape replied.

"Oh, okay," Harry said, and gladly drank the medicine.

"What are mint jujubes, anyway?" the Short Diana asked the Tall Diana.

"I don't know, but they've got to taste better than a fresh pickled toad," the Tall Diana said. "Come on. You've had your fun; let's go."

* * *

"Who do you think you'll go to the ball with?" Parvati asked Brianne during Defense Against the Dark Arts.

"I'm not going _with_ anybody. I'm just going. I don't want to have to stick with the same person the entire time," Brianne answered.

Emily replied, "I wouldn't care about sticking with the same person if he was hot."

"What is the theory about defeating boggarts?" Professor Edispu suddenly asked.

"Boys are hot," Emily said dreamily.

"Wrong!" With a flick of Professor Edispu's wand, Emily was upside-down.

As usual, everyone but Hermione was upside-down by the end of the lesson.

* * *

The night before the ball, Brianne was being tortured.

Her torturer was... an evil mosquito.

Heaven only knows why a mosquito was buzzing around Hogwarts in the wintertime, but there it was. It kept hovering next to Brianne's ear and waking her up.

"AUGH!" she screamed after three hours of torture. "Die, mosquito, die!"

She grabbed her wand and started shooting curses at the mosquito. It flew between the bed hangings.

Brianne jumped up and pushed the bed hangings out of her way. She made a desperate lunge for the mosquito and landed on top of Emily's legs.

"Oi, what is it?" Emily asked sleepily.

"It's an evil mosquito!"

Emily gasped – her gasp sounded like a donkey running, stopping for breath, not being able to breathe and coming back to life with a rasping, sucking noise- and grabbed her wand from the foot of her bed. "Mosquitoes aren't hot! In fact, they spoil hot guys' faces by biting them!"

Brianne scrambled over Emily and landed on her head between Emily and Hermione's beds. She wiggled wildly as she tried to get up.

Hermione woke up and poked her head out between her bed hangings. "What -"

That's as far as she got before Brianne's flailing foot smacked her chin.

The mosquito flew from the girls' dormitory and into the boys' dormitory just as Brianne righted herself. She dashed after it and would have run right into the boys' dormitory had Emily not restrained her.

"I hope it doesn't bite any hot boys' faces," Emily said, looking worried.

The girls straightened out their dormitory and went to bed.

* * *

Early that morning, the Short Diana appeared in the Gryffindor Common Room, holding a dictionary.

The Tall Diana appeared next to her, looking irritated. "Stop popping in and out of Hogwarts!! I've told you time and time again! We already placed Brianne and Emily here. Poor Hogwarts doesn't need another crazy person around!"

"Which is exactly why you should leave," the Short Diana said cheerfully. "Anyway, I'm here because I found 'jujube' in the dictionary and I wanted a quiet place to read."

"You looked it up in the dictionary?" the Tall Diana asked incredulously.

"I like to know these things," the Short Diana said simply.

She sat down in an armchair, opened the dictionary, and read the following out loud:

**jujube** **1.** A gelatinous candy lozenge.** 2.** An Old World tree or shrub of the buckthorn family.

"I sure hope that Harry's medicine tasted like the candy and not the tree," the Short Diana said.

"Hey, I wonder if they sell jujubes at Honeydukes?" the Tall Diana said slowly.

"There's only one way to find out!" the Short Diana cried, springing to her feet and making the dictionary magically vanish. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Let's go to Hogsmeade!" they shouted together, jumping and high-fiving. They disappeared right as the very first awaking Gryffindor descended the stairs.

* * *

Later that day in the girls' dormitory, Emily and Brianne were getting ready for the ball. Emily's dress robes were dark red and Brianne's were turquoise.

"Oi! Do you think hot boys will look at me?" Emily asked excitedly, adjusting her tomato necklace.

"Don't see why not," Brianne replied, fiddling with her onion earrings.

They went down the stairs to meet the boys. Harry was wearing his emerald green dress robes and Ron was wearing robes that Fred and George had bought him – bright orange, with the Chudley Cannons insignia on the chest.

"Did I miss something?" the Short Diana asked, as she appeared holding a bagful of mint jujubes. "Oh yeah, the ball!"

Magically she changed her outfit to dress robes - blue-tinted lavender in color - and then vanished.

The Tall Diana appeared, equally weighed down with jujubes and wearing dress robes of royal purple. "_Now _where did she go?" she wondered aloud, exasperated, and then disappeared.

* * *

Down in the Great Hall, everything was decorated beautifully. The four house tables were pushed up against the wall and laden with food.

"Yum," Brianne said happily, holding up her slightly too-big dress robes so they didn't trail on the floor and revealing her best socks – both were knee-high; one was white and lacy and the other was pale purple with ruffles. "Food!"

Her contagious smile affected everyone around her – and there was a big crowd around her, as quite a few people had come to speak to her and Emily.

"Here's an idea," Brianne said, turning to Emily. "I'll talk to these people while you, Harry, and Hermione go see what there is to eat."

"We'll be back pronto squanto!" Emily promised.

"Pronto squanto?" Hermione repeated. "Hey, is that Ancient Nomadic?"

Harry and Emily ignored her.

When they reached the tables, they realized that they were full of one thing, and that was –

"'Olive loaf'?" Harry read off a card. "What's an olive loaf?"

"Yeah, that had me puzzled, too," the Short Diana said, appearing on the other side of the table.

"I thought you wrote this chapter?" Emily said to her. The Short Diana pretended not to listen.

"It's a loaf with olives in it, of course," Hermione said bossily. "It's very obvious."

"Yeah, about as obvious as Brianne's dimples," Harry replied.

"I _still_ don't get what that description meant," Emily said, frowning.

Just then, the doors to the Great Hall burst open and in came the Crown Prince of Arganay, flanked by half a dozen guards.

"The Crown Prince of Arganay?" Emily said. "Who's he?"

"Bear with me, okay?" the Short Diana said irritably. "He's a prince who spontaneously decided to come to Hogwarts for the ball, and that's all you need to know."

"There are no princes in the wizard world -" Hermione began. The Short Diana grabbed a jujube from her sack and stuffed it in Hermione's mouth.

"Do you want to dance?" Ron asked Brianne nervously. She nodded and he led her out onto the dance floor.

She looked up and saw something hovering near the ceiling. It was... the evil mosquito!

"_Accio broom_!" Brianne shouted, breaking away from Ron. All the brooms in Hogwarts came bursting through the door of the Great Hall. Brianne grabbed one.

"You won't get away so easily this time!" she shouted to the mosquito.

Just then, the band struck up a song, and as people tried to dance chaos and confusion broke out. Some of them were doing disco and some were doing ballroom dancing.

"Emily, come help me!" Brianne cried. "I'm trying to catch the mosquito that might have bitten hot boys' faces."

Emily gasped and grabbed a broom too.

Then Peeves came and offered to dance with a group of Ravenclaw girls, who ran away screaming. Ashley – the evil A.T.E. leader – and her cousin, Addy, started flirting with the Crown Prince's guards. Professor Snape threw a fit because there were no enchiladas. The Short Diana disappeared, gleefully hoping that the Tall Diana wouldn't find her anytime soon.

Suddenly, a guard blew a whistle and everyone froze. The guard said, "The Crown Prince of Arganay is missing. Everybody scream!"

"AUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!" screamed everyone in Hogwarts.

"The Crown Prince of Arganay has been found. Everybody cheer!"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!"

Then the chaos resumed.

Emily spotted the mosquito and dive-bombed after it. However, she misjudged the distance, hit the ground, and flew off her broom into Draco's arms. He leaned over and kissed her. Despite the mosquito bite that had appeared on his lip overnight, Emily thought he was a very good kisser.

Brianne continued chasing after the mosquito, yelling crazily.

Harry and Ron ran away and stood in a secluded corner. The Short Diana appeared next to them and put her arms on their shoulders.

"Time for us to leave!" she announced cheerfully.

"Is this the part where we get to dance on the rooftops?" Ron asked hopefully.

"Of course!" the Short Diana said, indignantly. "What do you think I am, a barbarian?"

She magically took them all to the Hogwarts' rooftops. With a sweep of her wand, the Short Diana melted the last of the snow.

Linking arms with Ron and Harry, the Short Diana sang:

_Kick your knees up, step in time!_

_Kick your knees up, step in time!_

_Never need a reason, never need a rhyme_

_Kick your knees up, step in time!_

"There you are!" the Tall Diana shouted as she appeared on the chimney. "What are you doing – oh no -"

The Short Diana smiled, then sang and danced on with the boys.

"STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT THIS INSTANT!" the Tall Diana yelled. "Augh -"

Harry had linked arms with her as they spun by and dragged her along for the dance. The Tall Diana screamed with frustration as the others kicked their knees up and stepped in time!


	6. The Tale of Brianne's Surprise Party

Chapter Six: The Extremely Extremely Exciting and Dramatic Tale of Brianne's Fabulous Surprise Birthday Party!

The Tall Diana was sad, very very sad. She could not use her computer. "Alas, I must write by hand." So she did. Pushing her pen across the page must have been the hardest thing she had ever done.

"What are you writing and why are you doing it by hand?" the Short Diana asked.

"My electricity is out!" she wailed.

"That's what you're writing?" she queried.

"Of course not! No! I warn you, I am distraught and querying me will get you nowhere!" she yelled angrily. The Short Diana shrugged and left, muttering to herself.

So the Tall Diana entered Hogwarts.

* * *

Emily was not acting like herself. She kept looking at the ceiling and just staring at it. Plus she kept talking to Brianne's imaginary little sister. Brianne was worried.

"Emily what's wrong with you?" she asked in Potions one day. Everyone turned to look at Emily who… continued staring at the ceiling.

She muttered and laughed (for a description of her laugh see chapter one) and sucked her thumb and drew pictures in the air. Suddenly she looked down and everyone was staring at her.

"Manitoba," she said, thinking she had missed a question. Snape was so confused he didn't even give Gryffindor points or say 'Enchilada'. Brianne repeated her question.

Emily sighed and said, "It's because… because…" She passed out dramatically then popped back up, "Because I'm not taking any AP classes!" she sobbed.

All of the Hogwartians looked at her oddly. They of course knew nothing of the delicate intricacies of AP classes. But Brianne understood that Emily just needed to be alone with her grief of not taking a class difficult enough (although she could not agree. Who would want to take an AP class?) So she took Emily to the girl's dormitory for unbeknownst to Brianne, Emily was actually inviting all of Brianne's old friends from Cordial Queen's University to a surprise party.

"A surprise party with Muggles at Hogwarts," said the Short Diana, entering the dormitory. "That seems like a bad idea."

Emily pouted and started crying (donkey running stopping for breath… yadda, yadda, yadda).

The Tall Diana entered. "Look, now you've made our character cry." And she started crying too. Then she conjured up a gallon of raspberry-cordial-currant-wine (Which doesn't actually exist, oh well) and started guzzling it.

"No, stop!" the Short Diana said, "Stop…" She was at a loss. "Wait, what do I call you? I don't think I've addressed you before in here."

"The Tall Diana of course," the Tall Diana said, wobbly-like, starting to do the drunk dance.

"But that sounds dumb. 'Hello Tall Diana, how are you today?'"

"I'm good, thanks," she replied, pausing in her drinking, "But you just said it was dumb to call me that. Why did you?!"

"I was illustrating its dumbness."

"Well you should call me Yacapo and I will call you Jeremy. OK?" She laughed, now extremely drunk.

"Ok. Yacapo, we should go. We're probably frightening Emily." And she tried to take the cordial.

"No!" The Tall Diana exclaimed, "You only want it for yourself. I can see it in your eyes!"

"What? So? No… yes, yes I do." And she grabbed it and popped out of the story.

Emily however was not bothered in the least because she was conducting a phone call with Brianne's imaginary little sister who was making the invitations. "Yes, yes, yes, uh-huh, no, ok I willl" and then she hung up, confident they would be delivered. And they were and suddenly it was the day of the party.

"That was quick," commented the Tall Diana, who was now quite sober.

"Sure was Yacapo," the Short Diana said. The Tall Diana just looked at her.

* * *

Emily had invited the guests to come half an hour earlier than Brianne. She even invited Harry, Ron, Draco, Luna, and Ginny. But she had misplaced Hermione's invitation. They waited in suspense watching the front door of the Room of Requirement.

"Hi guys," came a voice from behind them, and coming out of the Vanishing Cabinet looking very confused was Brianne.

"Brianne, you came through the wrong way!"

"What do you mean I came through the wrong way? You specifically told me to come through the Vanishing Cabinet!" Brianne yelled.

Everyone looks at Emily who remembers she really did. "No I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did!" Suddenly Brianne yelled, "_Flippendo_!" and the whole room combusted and lit on fire.

"Nooooooooooo," said the Tall Diana, "My masterpiece noooooooooo!"

"Here this cookie will make you feel better," said the Short Diana, munching on some of the now slightly toasted snacks Emily had prepared.

"No it won't. Alas, my dreams crashing in flames around me burning, burning, burning…"

"Excuse me," the Short Diana interjected.

"No I'm not done… burning, burning, burning… OK what do you want?"

"I was going to say you should just rewind and have Emily watch the other door."

"That's a good idea, or I could just rewind and have Emily watch the other door. Brilliant! How brilliant am I." said the Tall Diana.

"That's what I… never mind." The Short Diana rolled her eyes.

REWIND...

"Manitoba," she said, thinking she had missed…

"Too far," the Short Diana commented.

"I know," the Tall Diana sighed, "I've never been good at rewinding. I wish they had story controls on DVD, then I wouldn't have to worry about it."

FAST FORWARD...

They all watched the Vanishing Cabinet, waiting in anticipation for Brianne. When she entered Ron, Josh, and Robby (the loves of her life or rather those that loved her) gasped at her beauty. She was wearing a deep green shirt, rebel jeans, and her hair was regally three-barreled.

"Surprise!" everyone shouted.

They ate delicious éclairs and drank non-alcoholic raspberry cordial.

"Non-alcoholic! What's wrong with them! That's like having non-cocoa chocolate and everyone knows there is no such thing as that!" the Tall Diana exclaimed.

"Yes there is. It's called white chocolate," the Short Diana explained.

"Well who's stupid enough to eat it?"

Just then Emily walked up eating a white chocolate Crunch bar. "You guys are kind of being disruptive, you should probably leave."

They did but Emily could hear the Tall Diana say something like, "Lame little stupid-snot."

"OK guys! Here's what we're doing for the party." Everyone quieted down, prepared for excitedness.

Draco admired Emily's nose; it was heart-wrenchingly beautiful.

Ron admired Brianne's nose; it was straight like the edge of a pyramid-shaped cake.

Luna looked at her own nose, going cross-eyed. It was covered with chocolate frosting from the éclairs.

"We are here to play UNDERWATER QUIDDITCH!!" Emily yelled happily.

"Yay!" said Brianne. The rest of them looked at Emily with blank stupid looks.

"What is it?" Ron asked.

"It's Quidditch played in the water. Duh," said Emily rolling her eyes.

"Ohhhh," everyone said even though they were still confused.

"_Accio lake_," said Emily and the room grew as water flew in through the window.

"Non-magic will pitch using this hollow fish," said Emily seriously holding up a rubber fish cup.

Robby took it from her nodding just as seriously until Brianne pushed him into the lake!

"I'm drowning, I'm drowning!" he screamed.

"Stand up," said Emily

He did and his knees were sticking out of the water it was so shallow.

The Tall Diana entered.

"Emily, as cool as Brianne's friends are we must let them go. This game is not for Muggles."

"NO! I have to give her sparkly pencils," yelled Josh.

However, the Tall Diana didn't listen and poofed them away.

"Ok," said Emily, "I guess we can play with just magic people but we're still using the rubber fish cup" she sniffed.

The Tall Diana patted her on the shoulder and disappeared.

Then they started playing.

They all chewed Gillyweed and went under.

Emily attached the fish cup to her wand while Brianne held up a plastic bat in preparation.

Emily suddenly shot a blast of water at Brianne and she hit it. Dispersing it everywhere, she then used the bat like a broom and shot up out of the water and back down before Emily could reach her.

Brianne tried to say something but all that escaped was a bubble. When it reached Emily she popped it.

"I WIN," the voice of Brianne echoed out of the bubble.

Emily glared.

Next Ron was up to bat.

As he began to raise it, it was snatched from his hands by a sticking sucking tentacle!

They all swam from the water screaming. Then realized they couldn't breathe out of the water.

"No," wheezed Draco.

"Quick! The squid's looking the other way," the Tall Diana yelled.

They each stuck their head under.

"No, it's coming back."

They all backed away from the lake as it came rampaging back, swinging the bat.

As it turned away again the teens rushed back to breathe.

"Excuse me," the Tall Diana said, "We interrupt this story due to a life-threatening situation. We will not be able to allow you to see anything else. Thank you, thank you. Have a nice day."

"You can't do that!" the Short Diana exclaimed.

"Can too, it's _my _chapter!"

"Can not."

"Can too."

"Can not."

"_Flippendo_!"

And the room burst into flames.


	7. Lady of the Pencil & the Redhead Knight

Chapter Seven: The Lady of the Pencil and the Redhead Knight

**This chapter is rated ROIXFQRLZMXX for people hitting other people over the head and references to killer butterflies.**

* * *

History of Magic was always very boring.

Ron, Harry, Brianne, Emily, and the rest of those characters whose names I'm too lazy to write were all staring out the windows. Hermione took notes.

Brianne slipped a note to Ron that said:

_Tonight, you, me, Harry, and Emily should all go to the greenhouses and become illegal Animaguses._

_Why?_ Ron wrote back.

_I don't know. I just feel like it._

_If you say so. _Ron wrote.

_Stop talking to me. You're annoying me._

_I'm not even talking. I'm writing._

"I have a pencil and I know how to use it!" Brianne cried, springing up and pointing her pencil threateningly at Ron.

As usual, the Short Diana had popped in at some random time to watch this bit. And right on schedule at a suspenseful time, the Tall Diana came to take her away.

"Why does Brianne have a pencil?" the Tall Diana asked. "They use _quills_ at Hogwarts, remember?"

"Well, in parts of the Harry Potter stories Parvati, Lavender, and Hermione all have pencil _cases_. If Hermione can have a pencil case, Brianne should be able to have a pencil!" the Short Diana retorted.

The Tall Diana decided, intelligently, not to argue with this strange logic. Instead she grabbed the Short Diana and made them both disappear.

Professor Binns stopped lecturing and looked at Ron and Brianne. "Because you have been talking, you will now both present a skit on how a knight would propose to a lady."

Brianne and Ron slowly stood up and walked to the front.

"Introduce yourselves," Professor Binns told them.

"I'm –er- the Lady of the Pencil," Brianne said, making something up.

"And I'm...the Redhead Knight," Ron added.

"Now for the proposal," Binns said.

"Sir, this has absolutely nothing to do with what we're studying today," Hermione called out, raising her hand. "In fact, it has nothing to do with the History of Magic whatsoever – "

The Short Diana popped in. "Doesn't that girl ever shut up?" she whispered to Harry.

"Never, under normal circumstances. But, since you're writing this chapter - "

"Oh yeah!" The Short Diana waved her wand. Hermione opened and closed her mouth but no sound came out.

The Short Diana smirked and settled down in a corner to watch the skit.

Ron awkwardly got down on his knees. "O fair Lady of the Pencil, wilt thou marry me?" he asked, feeling extremely stupid.

Brianne looked repulsed. "Nay, good Redhead Knight."

Ron had a feeling this was not how the skit was supposed to be going. "Please, O beauty of the Earth?"

"YUCK!" Brianne gagged. She seized an extremely heavy Charms book and whacked Ron over the head with it. He slid to the floor, limp.

"That was a very accurate reaction," Professor Binns said after a minute.

"Actually, sir, the reaction of a lady to a knight's proposal would have been quite different," said Hermione, who had mysteriously recovered from the Short Diana's spell. "For one thing, if she had hit him over the head with a book she would have kept her right pinkie crooked the whole time and her left- "

Brianne ran to Hermione and smashed her over the head with the book too. Half the class jumped up and cheered.

Professor Snape had walked by and saw Brianne knock Hermione out. He poked his head in the classroom and said, "Enchilada."

"Huh?" everyone asked as they stopped cheering.

"Nothing... I mean, twenty-five and a half points to Gryffindor for such immediate and productive action," Snape corrected himself.

Suddenly, a random annoying guy named Parker appeared. Brianne hit him over the head too.

"That guy wasn't so random, was he? What have you got against him?" the Tall Diana, who had just appeared, asked the Short Diana.

The Short Diana smiled deviously and said nothing.

Class ended when Professor Binns ordered the students to drag the limp forms of Ron, Hermione, and the random guy named Parker up to the hospital wing.

* * *

That evening, Ron was doing his History of Magic homework. He'd recovered from Brianne's attack. So had Hermione, but Parker hadn't and was going to be force-fed forty different kinds of disgusting potions for a week until he was better.

Ron looked at the title of the book. It said, _The Memoirs of Nigel Mookerjee_.

Ron opened the book and started reading. The first line said, _When I was born, I was very, very tiny..._

The Two Dianas suddenly appeared in the common room as Ron stared at the very boring book.

"Nigel Mookerjee? You play too many Nancy Drew computer games with your siblings!" the Tall Diana said to the Short Diana.

"I know, but isn't that a _great_ line?" the Short Diana asked.

"You can't use that sentence. It's plagiarism. Unless..." The Tall Diana paused. "Unless you write a disclaimer."

"A disclaimer, eh?" The Short Diana nodded. "Okay!"

**The Short Diana's Disclaimer: I don't own Nigel Mookerjee or Nancy Drew. I don't own Harry Potter, either. And, sadly, I don't own a copy of _The Memoirs of Nigel Mookerjee_. By the way, I don't own the keyboard on which I am typing or the computer I am using. I don't own Ron, Hermione, or any of those other characters, too. Gee, I don't own much of anything, do I? I don't even own a dog...but then again I'm allergic to dogs...**

"You can stop now," the Tall Diana told the Short Diana.

"Awwwwwww..." the Short Diana said. "I didn't even get to tell them about the allergy symptoms I sometimes get that I don't own!"

Ron stared at the book. It said, _When I was four I ate a tomato..._

Ron gave up on Nigel Mookerjee and went to bed for a few hours.

* * *

At about ten-twenty-five, Brianne and Emily slipped out of bed.

"Come on, let's skedaddle." Emily whispered.

"Skedaddle?" Hermione muttered in her sleep. "Is that Czechoslovakian you're speaking?"

At precisely ten-thirty, Harry, Ron, Brianne, and Emily snuck out of the Common Room and down to the greenhouses.

The Short Diana and the Tall Diana appeared right next to Hagrid's cabin. Together they watched the four Gryffindors slip into an unlocked greenhouse.

"So how exactly are you planning on making those four Animaguses in one night? It takes a long time. It took the Marauders three years!" the Tall Diana commented.

"I don't have enough patience for three years. The characters are going to very mystically and magically achieve Animag-ism in one night!" the Short Diana declared.

She paused. "By the way, I don't like it how this story keeps making references to my height. From now on, I want to be the Vertically Challenged Diana!"

"'Vertically Challenged'?" The Tall Diana raised an eyebrow. "Didn't you say that was a term that one friend of yours made up?"

"Clint? Oh yeah! Time for another disclaimer!" the Short Diana said happily, forgetting all about being vertically challenged instead of short.

**The Short Diana's Other Disclaimer: I didn't make up the term 'vertically challenged', and therefore I don't own it. Clint does, the lucky boy! I don't own Clint, either. And while we're on the subject of Clint (who, I remind you, I do not own), we might as well talk about Clint's best friend Dane. I don't own Dane, either, in case you wanted to know. And speaking of Dane, I don't own a sheep, _either_! Although that's just as well, because I'm probably allergic to them too...**

"That's ENOUGH!" the Tall Diana interrupted. "Why don't we just get back to the story?"

"The story..." the Short Diana said dreamily. "Do I own that?"

"Only halfway. Now come on, I think the readers are getting bored."

"Well, we _can't_ let that happen, can we?" the Short Diana said cheerfully. The Tall Diana realized that they were _way _behind schedule, as she usually had removed the Short Diana by this point in a conversation, grabbed the Short Diana and popped them out of Hogwarts...and now we will return to the story.

* * *

In the greenhouses, Ron, Brianne, Harry, and Emily began working on the very hard job of becoming Animaguses.

"'Animaguses'? Isn't it '_Animagi'_?" Emily said, frowning.

"No, it's Animaguses," Brianne said positively.

"Oh, who cares? Let's just get down to business," Harry replied.

"How are we supposed to become Animaguses...or Animagi...in one night?" Ron wanted to know.

Emily smiled. "Brianne and I know the magic word that will help us become Animagi - Animaguses - _whatever_ - quicker. Everyone, take out your wands and say '_Universary_!' over and over again."

* * *

While this was going on, the Short Diana appeared outside, holding a paper. Patiently she waited for the Tall Diana to arrive.

When the Tall Diana arrived, she was somewhat irked that she had to go drag the Short Diana from Hogwarts _again_.

"Ah, good, you're here," the Short Diana said pleasantly to the fuming Tall Diana. "I have something to show you."

She unrolled her paper and held it up. "It's our story banner for _The Strangers_. I tried to put it on our autobiography page, but I couldn't figure out how to do so."

The Tall Diana took the paper.

"Hmmm, very funny," she approved. "I like the way you have the words 'Harry Potter' backwards."

The Short Diana was startled but quickly said, "Oh yes...ha ha ha...ha-ha..."

The Tall Diana smelled a rat. "You didn't even _know_ you turned the letters backwards?"

"Well..." the Short Diana said weakly, reaching into her pocket and taking out a cookie.

The Tall Diana watched her eat the cookie. "What's that?"

"It's an almond cookie and it is a wonderful, delicious thing and I have a strange obsession with them today. Want one?"

"Sure," the Tall Diana said.

The Short Diana took two more cookies from her pocket and gave one to the Tall Diana. The other she looked at intensely. Suddenly her eyes widened.

"What's the matter?" the Tall Diana asked.

"The – almond – on – this – cookie – is upside-down!" the Short Diana cried. "I can't see the almond's brown stuff! For all I know this could be a _peanut_ on my cookie!"

"What's wrong with a peanut cookie?"

"_Everything_!" the Short Diana yelled. "Who wants _peanut _cookies when they have an obsession with _almond_ cookies? It's a scandal! An outrage!"

The Short Diana began to throw a tizzy fit.

"What exactly is a tizzy fit?" the Tall Diana wondered, frowning.

"It's what I throw when people give me peanut cookies instead of almond ones!" the Short Diana shouted as she threw her tizzy fit, throwing her cookie to the ground.

The Tall Diana picked up the cookie and pried the nut from it. "Hey, this is an almond after all. Look at the brown stuff on the other side."

The Short Diana stopped her tizzy fit in mid-stamp and took the cookie.

"Oh," she said, smiling sheepishly. "False alarm."

Then she went right on eating almond cookies until the Tall Diana pulled her away and out of the story.

* * *

A chant came from the greenhouse:

"_Universary_. _Universary_. _Universary_. _Univers_-"

"I feel ready," Emily broke into the solemn chant. "How about you guys?"

They all nodded.

"Okay. I'll go first."

Emily screwed her eyes shut. "_Universary,_" she whispered one more time. Then the others watched, fascinated, as Emily changed into her Animagus form.

Suddenly, though, the moon went behind a cloud.

"Drat," Brianne muttered. "_Lumos_."

As her wand cast a beam of light upon the floor, she, Harry, and Ron saw Emily in her Animagus form.

"Whoa," Harry said.

"Wicked!" Ron exclaimed.

Brianne tried very hard not to laugh.

"Hee-haw!" Emily said, for she had turned into... a donkey.

"Hee-haw! Hee-haw!" Emily cried again.

Brianne answered, "I hate to break it to you... but you've turned into a donkey."

Emily began to wail. Her wail sounded like a donkey running, stopping for breath, not being able to breathe and coming back to life as it tried to sing the very, very high note on the song "The Phantom of the Opera".

Which wasn't all that surprising, seeing as she _was_ a donkey.

"Emily," Brianne said, "this is no time to be singing "The Phantom of the Opera"! You've got to change yourself back."

Emily rolled her donkey eyes, twitched her donkey ears... and was Emily again.

"Oh!" she said dramatically. "I never want to be a donkey again as long as I live!"

"Who's going to go next?" Harry asked.

"You try, Brianne," Ron said quickly.

"Okay," Brianne said. "Here goes."

Harry, Ron, and Emily watched, fascinated, as Brianne began to change into her Animagus form.

Suddenly, the moon went behind another cloud.

"Do the clouds have something against us or something?" Ron wondered aloud.

"It's just more dramatic that way, mate," Harry explained, using his saving-people thing to save his best friend from a terrible fate- ignorance.

"Oh. _Lumos_!"

Emily saw what her best friend had become and burst into laughter. Her laugh sounded like a donkey running, stopping for breath, not being able to breathe and coming back to life with a snort. She was so engrossed in her laughter Harry and Ron couldn't even tell she was laughing except her mouth was wide open and her face was turning red from lack of oxygen.

"Brianne!" Emily choked out as soon as she could. "You've turned into a- a- a _butterfly_."

The small, blue butterfly that was now Brianne got a look of shock on her small, blue butterfly face. Emily could practically hear her screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" as she knew her best friend was apt to do after being turned into something so unBrianne-ish like a butterfly.

Ron, too, was now laughing. Huffily, the blue butterfly speed-dove at him and began slapping him with her wings, presumably to kill him. However, she couldn't, because- well- there's no such thing as a killer butterfly.

Brianne soon realized this and hurriedly changed back, because there _are_ such things as killer sixteen-year-old girls. But Emily and Harry rushed to the rescue, and they managed to save Ron before Brianne did any really permanent damage.

"Okay, smarty," Brianne glared at him. She was very ticked off. "Let's see _you_ change into your Animagus form."

"Harry's younger," Ron said quickly. "He should go first."

"But, Ron," Harry answered just as quickly. "You're my elder. You should go before me."

"But alphabetically, it's your turn."

"Ladies first."

"Hey!" Ron protested.

"Can't argue on that point," Brianne said dryly.

Ron just stared at her and his mouth formed one word- "Why?" he whispered, his blue eyes filling with tears. "Why do you say things like that? Why did you hit me over the head earlier today? I love you! I love you, and I knew it since the minute we both wanted dumplings! Oh, the AGONY!"

He sobbed dramatically for a couple of minutes.

"That's so sad," Emily said, sniffling. Her sniffling sounded like a donkey running, stopping for breath, not being able to breathe and coming back to life while imitating Darth Vader.

Obviously the Short Diana was running out of ideas for this scene if she resorted to references to _Star Wars_, so Harry patted Ron on the back.

"Why don't we go get some food?" he suggested.

Promptly Ron stopped crying and forgot about his agonizing love as boys are wont to do when food comes into the picture, so they all headed back towards the castle.

* * *

"That's _it_?" the Tall Diana said in surprise as she popped next to the Short Diana.

"What's it?" the Short Diana asked. She was sitting on the stone walkway to the castle gates, legs sprawled out in front of her as she scribbled with sidewalk chalk.

"That's all that's going to happen? I'm surprised. Compared to your usual standards, that was a very tame chapter."

The Short Diana didn't answer, and the Tall Diana watched her draw a light purple flower with a yellow center, a dark purple flower with a yellow center, and a ladybug.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm drawing the ladybug's antennae on," the Short Diana answered.

"Do ladybugs even have antennae?" the Tall Diana mused, frowning.

"Silly," the Short Diana laughed. "Of course they have antennae! How else would they be able to listen to the radio?"

"You still haven't answered my first question. Is this chapter over, or do you still have more up your sleeve?"

"I've given up on my life of author insertion," the Short Diana said seriously. "From now on, my chapters will be short, make sense, and have no popping in and out of authors in them whatsoever."

"Really?"

The Short Diana nodded. She sat up. "Well, toodle-oo! I have to go start collecting tame ideas for my next chapter." She popped away.

The Tall Diana noticed the Short Diana had been blocking something on the sidewalk from her view. It was a message, right where the Short Diana's leg had been.

The Tall Diana read it:

_Just kidding! Enjoy the rest of the chapter! Cheerio!_

"Oh, great," the Tall Diana muttered. She heard voices and realized the characters were coming right towards her, so she popped out of the story, determined to catch that sneaky little Short Diana.

* * *

"Hey, you guys know what?" Brianne said.

"What?" the other three all said.

"While we're out of bed, we might as well do something completely crazy. I mean, if we're caught the punishment will be bad no matter what. If someone was going to hang you for stealing, you might as well commit a murder too."

"They'll hang us if they catch us out of bed?" Emily asked, looking worried.

"No! It's a simile." Brianne told her.

"I don't think so. Similes are comparisons using 'like' or 'as'."

"Then it's a metaphor."

"No," Emily said stubbornly. "It's not a metaphor either."

"It's a weird way of describing things," Brianne said, giving in.

"Now that I can understand," Emily said happily.

"What kind of really crazy thing should we do?" Ron wondered.

"Let's ride on the Knight Bus!" Harry suggested.

They all agreed that sounded like a dandy idea. So Harry stuck out his wand arm and the big purple bus stopped right on the Hogwarts walkway with a loud screech.

"Hi there," the conductor said as he jumped down in front of them. "I'm Chuck from Hong Kong who likes to play hockey and eat anchovies, and I'll be your conductor tonight. The fee to ride on the Knight Bus is eleven Sickles. For thirteen Sickles you can have all the ice cream you can eat, and for fifteen Sickles the driver won't sing to you."

"I thought Stan Shunpike was the conductor on the Knight Bus," Harry said, staring.

"He retired early," Chuck-from-Hong Kong-who-likes-to-play-hockey-and-eat-anchovies explained. Which was a lie, but there's really no easy way to tell people that the conductor of the Knight Bus was kidnapped by the shorter of the two authors in the fanfiction you are in for plot purposes such as getting a guy who goes by Chuck-from-Hong Kong-who-likes-to-play-hockey-and-eat-anchovies to be the conductor instead.

"Hmmm," Harry said. "Do you guys want ice cream?"

"Yeah!" they all chorused.

"I don't care if we get sung to," Emily said. "I like singing."

"Okay." Harry paid Chuck-from-Hong Kong-who-likes-to-play-hockey-and-eat-anchovies thirteen Sickles for each person, or fifty-two Sickles to be exact, and they hopped aboard the Knight Bus.

When Harry entered the bus, he noticed two things. One was that instead of beds there were tall stools on wheels to sit on and the other was that there was a new driver.

"Hi," the driver said.

"Did Ernie retire too?" Harry asked.

"Yup," the driver said. Again, that was a lie, but easier than explaining the truth.

All of them got a good look at the driver. She was only a year or two older than them. Her hair was a long yellowish-blonde with pink and purple streaks and the pigtails she had put it into stuck out from under a poofy purple cap she wore on her head. Gold hoop earrings with plastic pink and purple flowers dangled from her ears, and she had a white guitar covered with pink flowers in her lap.

"I'm Megan," the driver said, smiling. "I'm the new driver."

"Swell," Brianne said. She ran over to a stool and, with some difficulty, pulled herself up onto it. She propped her feet up on a conveniently placed cart and removed her shoes, revealing one mid-calf length purple sock with a hole in the big toe and a mid-calf sock that was spring green with a periwinkle toe and heel and multicolored flowers on it.

"Ahem," Chuck-from-Hong Kong-who-likes-to-play-hockey-and-eat-anchovies said. "Your feet are on my ice cream cart."

"Sorry," Brianne said, letting them dangle.

Chuck-from-Hong Kong-who-likes-to-play-hockey-and-eat-anchovies pulled a plastic cover off of his small ice cream cart. "It's magical," he explained. "It holds more flavors than you can see. Here's a list." He handed each of his customers a piece of paper.

"We'll start going in a minute!" Megan called back to the passengers. "I just need to file my nails."

The passengers studied the flavors thoughtfully.

"I'll have Triple Ripple Double Trouble Chunky Chocky Chippy Fudge," Brianne declared. Ron took two scoops of the same thing.

Emily was still choosing a flavor. She decided that in a story with such a lack of logic, she needed to use logic to choose her flavor, just to balance things out.

She ended up choosing Rutabaga Raspberry Rhubarb Swirl. Her logic was this: She liked the word rutabaga. She loved raspberries. And rhubarb reminded her of pie, which reminded her of checkered cloth, which reminded her of the blue checkered dress Dorothy wears in the movie _The Wizard of Oz_, and Dorothy lived in Kansas. Kansas was where Emily was born, and anything that reminded her of her birth state had to be good.

Pleased with her logic, Emily stepped forward. "I'll have Rutabaga Raspberry Rhubarb Swirl, please." She was given a large cone of it.

It was Harry's turn. "Hey, Chuck, I'll have-"

Chuck-from-Hong Kong-who-likes-to-play-hockey-and-eat-anchovies gave him a stare icier than the ice cream. "Excuse me? What did you just call me?"

Harry tried again. "Chuck who... lives in China... and likes to play Go Fish?"

"I have never been so insulted in my life!" Chuck-from-Hong Kong-who-likes-to-play-hockey-and-eat-anchovies sniffed. "You can have no ice cream until you get my name right!" He slammed the ice cream cart lid closed and haughtily turned away.

Dejected by his lack of ice cream, Harry joined the others on their tall stools.

The others ate their delicious ice cream cones as Harry looked on sadly.

"This is delicious!" Emily exclaimed, practically inhaling her cone. The other two agreed. They went back for seconds. Harry tried again but still could not remember Chuck-from-Hong Kong-who-likes-to-play-hockey-and-eat-anchovies' name, and so got nothing.

While they were chowing down on ice cream, the bus slowly began to move.

"Yay, here we go!" Emily and Brianne exclaimed together. They were very excited.

Suddenly, there was the strumming of a guitar.

_Ohhhhh..._

_For PB balls, for PB balls_

_This is what you do_

_Get a big bowl (yes, a big bowl)_

_And a measurin' cup too._

The four Gryffindors clasped their ears, wondering what this terribly unearthly noise that sounded worse than Emily's laugh was, when they realized it was actually Megan singing a song that appeared –or rather, sounded- to be a ballad to the tune of "Clementine" about a recipe for peanut butter balls.

_You need granola, and brown sugar_

_And some skim milk powder too_

_Raisins, sesame seeds or dried coconut_

_And of course, the PB too!_

As if this wasn't bad enough, Megan could not both drive normally and play the guitar at the same time, so as she sang the song in her loud and screechy voice she drove with her feet. The stools slid everywhere and so did the four passengers on them.

"I got ice cream on my socks," Brianne shouted unhappily over the singing.

"My ears hurt," Emily said.

So did the others'. Harry knew he had to save them, so he approached Chuck-from-Hong Kong-who-likes-to-play-hockey-and-eat-anchovies.

"Will you ask her to stop or something?" he asked.

"Sorry, you didn't pay to have the driver not sing to you."

Harry thrust his money bag at him. "How much?"

"Sorry, all services must be paid in full before the vehicle starts."

_Take one cup granola_

_-that's 250 milliliters-_

_And you puuuut it in the bowl._

_Add the same amount of skim milk powder_

_A-and put it in there too._

_Then get your raisins, and brown sugar-_

_Measure haaalf a cup of each_

"-That's 125 milliliters for you metric folk-" Megan added before getting right back into the song.

_And then you dump 'em in the bowlie_

_And then in with your hands you reach!_

The bus made a terrifying swerve, followed by a bump that reverberated through the entire structure.

"Did we hit something?" Brianne asked.

"Don't worry, it was only a person!" Megan yelled back to them.

_A-mix 'em all up, mix 'em all up,_

_Till it all looks just the same._

_When it looks like chunky white stuff,_

_You know you've mixed it up enough._

_Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..._

"Just take the money, Chuck!" Harry bellowed, getting frustrated because he could not save them.

"My name is _not_ Chuck!"

"Well, whatever-your-name-is, I want a refund!"

"You can't have a refund; we're already headed to your destination."

"But we're only going back to Hogwarts. Can't we just turn around or something?"

"Nope, our round-trip policy requires that first we make a loop through the Netherlands, Germany, Luxembourg, and France-"

"Ooh! France!" Emily exclaimed as the bus did a sudden three-sixty before continuing on. "_Je peux parler français! Je l'ai pris pendant deux ou trois années au lycée! Excitation_!"

They all looked at her oddly.

_Take the peanut, take the peanut,_

_Take the peanut butter out_

_Fill two cups –that's 500 milliliters-_

_Then have fun trying to get it out!_

"Oh, that _would_ be fun," the Short Diana commented, appearing on a stool.

"You have made me so angry," Harry said over the music to Chuck-from-Hong Kong-who-likes-to-play-hockey-and-eat-anchovies, "that I will have to sue you."

"Sue me?"

"Yes. I can see the case now. Harry Potter versus... versus... Chuck... Chuck who hails from... Oh, Merlin's beard!"

"You were saying?" Chuck-from-Hong Kong-who-likes-to-play-hockey-and-eat-anchovies said, smirking.

"Speaking of suing...," the Short Diana said to no one in particular, "...I'm a little behind on my disclaimers."

**The Short Diana's Other _Other_ Disclaimer: Things I also do not own include the title song of _The Phantom of the Opera_ as well as the high, high note in it, a donkey, _Star Wars_, and Chuck-from-Hong Kong-who-likes-to-play-hockey-and-eat-anchovies, who I borrowed from my little sister and her friend. Let me add that I own neither of these children and am somewhat glad for it...**

_And then you dump it, then you dump it_

_Then you dump it in the bowl_

"Ahhhh!" Ron cried in agony, sinking to the floor. "My ears!"

**...I don't own Chuck's ice cream cart. I unfortunately at this time do not own any ice cream, either. I have in the past, but I ate it and it's probably digested by now. I don't own _The Wizard of Oz_, although I think I might own one-eighth of a borrowed copy of the movie, at least until we give it back after what so far has been about nine years of use. I'm pretty sure I do not own Kansas, but if I do it _would_ come as a surprise to me since I have never been there. I don't really own Megan, because although I created her she was inspired by something else. I don't own her hair or the pigtails in it, her awesome purple poofy cap, her earrings, or her flowered guitar. Not that it would do me much good, seeing as I can't play the guitar...**

"Oh, hello," the Short Diana said pleasantly to the Tall Diana, who had just appeared.

"Grash nikkel fortzzinger," the Tall Diana snarled, or something like it.

"Nice to see you, too."

**...I do not own the song Megan is currently singing. It actually comes from _Care Bears_, a fun show I do not and probably never will own although somewhere I have a stuffed likeness of one of the characters, and it is sung by Brave Heart Lion, whom I do not own either, stuffed likeness or otherwise. I like the peanut suit he is wearing while he sings but don't own it. I also do not own the eventually-two-stringed guitar he plays on in the clip- not that I could play it any more than Megan's...**

_And then you mix it with the white stuff,_

_Commodunuity is your goal._

"Commodunuity?" the Tall Diana said flatly.

"Yup."

"And that means...?"

"Oh, it's not a real word. It's just what the track of the song _sounds_ like. I can't figure out what the word actually is. I had to figure out all the words by ear."

_And then you roll 'em, into ballies,_

_About one inch in diameter_

_That's two point fiiive centimeters,_

_About the size of a Ping-Pong ball._

"Stop, stop, stop!" Harry begged of Megan, but she paid him no heed as he dropped to his knees and fruitlessly attempted to shield his ears.

"How much longer?" Brianne moaned.

**... I don't own the Netherlands. I don't own Germany, although I happen to be of German descent. I don't own Luxembourg and I don't own France. That would be pretty awesome though because I do enjoy escargot except it is so hard to get around here unless you want to go to a restaurant where everything costs like a hundred dollars and they have live peacocks roaming around. Which I do not think is a good policy, because there are those of us like me who are allergic to practically every living animal and would probably have an allergic reaction to peacocks if they got too close...**

_And then you roll 'em, in sesame seeds,_

_Or in toooasted coconuts_

_Put 'em in the refrigerator_

**...and that is definitely a shame.**

"So is this chapter," the Tall Diana said.

"Hey, don't insult my chapter!" the Short Diana protested. "It took me _three years_ to write!"

"Oh, yeah, we can _definitely_ see how three years of experience and wisdom went into _this_ chapter!"

"Well, it would have been done sooner if I hadn't still been waiting for you to write chapters four _and_ six!"

_Now you have your PB ba-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalls!_

"Song's done." Megan announced.

"Thank heavens!" Emily exclaimed.

"My sentiments exactly," the Tall Diana said. "It's about time this chapter got over."

"Who said it was over?" the Short Diana said innocently.

_I... feel a song coming on!_

Emily fainted dead away.

_And I'm a-warning you_

_It's a victorious, happy and glorious new strain..._

"It's nearly over," the Short Diana promised. "Darn, now I need another disclaimer... because I don't own this song, either. I heard it in a children's musical that I attended last February, but I didn't own the theatre I saw it in or..."

"Just leave it," the Tall Diana said hastily, grabbing her arm. "No sense in running up the word count." And she popped them both out.

* * *

_... You'll hear a tuneful story_

_Ringing through ya..._

Many refrains later, all four of our characters lay motionless on the ground, listlessly staring at the ceiling of the bus, not even noticing the various objects that kept crashing into them, and wondering how much longer it could last.

"Ohhhhhhhhh," Harry moaned.

"This is horrible," Emily said tearfully. "OH! We will surely die!"

They all agreed with this sentiment.

_...Love and glory, hallelujah!..._

"Brianne," Ron whispered from where he lay a few inches away.

"Yes?" she said, turning her face so she could look at him.

"If we die... I have to know... how do you feel about me?"

"We're friends, duh. If we weren't, I wouldn't hang around you."

Ron swallowed his disappointment. "Nothing more?"

"Now why would you expect something more? You're dating Lavender."

"I am? No I'm not..."

"It said you were in the first chapter-"

"Ew!"

"- but now that I think of it, nothing's been said about it since."

"Dumb authors. Can't even keep their own characters straight," Ron muttered. "We _are_ friends, though?"

"Certainly," Brianne reached into her conveniently deep pocket and pulled out a pencil. "Here. A token of our friendship."

"Thanks, dear Lady of the Pencil."

"You're welcome, valiant Redhead Knight."

"I'll keep it forever."

"You should. It's sparkly. Josh gave it to me."

"Then I don't want it," Ron said immediately, handing it back.

"Ron_ald_. You're being _ridiculous_."

_...And now that my troubles are gone_

_Let those heavenly drums go on drumming_

_'Cause I feel a song coming on!_

Suddenly there was a beautiful sound. It was called silence.

"Hogwarts, ahoy! Everybody off!" Chuck-from-Hong Kong-who-likes-to-play-hockey-and-eat-anchovies called.

The four blinked, then slowly got to their feet and walked towards the door.

"Wait!" Megan said as Harry reached it and began to push it open.

They looked at her warily.

"You've been a great audience. In thanks, I would like to sing for you a song-"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Harry threw open the door, and the four Gryffindors jumped frantically from the bus and ran off screaming into the night.


	8. The World Crashes to the Ground

Chapter Eight: The World Crashes to the Ground

"I feel so angsty!" yelled the Tall Diana.

"Go on," the Short Diana muttered into her glass of cordial.

"This has been a terrible week for me! Oh, why? _Why_? It's like the world is crashing to the ground!"

"Yup." The Short Diana drained her glass and hiccupped. "Got any more of that stuff?"

"I think we're out of cordial," the Tall Diana said darkly. "So I think we should do something productive."

"While we're drunk?"

"Yup."

* * *

Emily and Brianne realized that Hogwarts was getting quite boring. And sad. And dreary. And thus they decided they needed a trip to an amusement park in America. Luckily, they owned one.

When their parents had angstily died a tragic, dark, horrible, horrid, dismal, awful, terrible, unfortunate, mirthful-

"That word doesn't fit," said the Short Diana.

"Who cares?!" yelled the Tall Diana. "I hate writing joint chapters with you; you're so annoying!"

-ghastly, nasty, terrifying, abnormal, frightening, weird, serendipitous-

The Short Diana sighed.

-death, they had left Emily and Brianne their amazing amusement park. For lack of a better name, we'll call it Lagoon.

Of course they could not go to Lagoon alone, because- because-

"Because why?" asked the Short Diana.

"Because I said so!" said the Tall Diana.

"You are more angsty than a Harry Potter today," the Short Diana observed.

-because Emily didn't want to leave Draco behind because they had been secretly married. After the Giant Squid attacked them at Brianne's birthday party, they realized they had so little time to live, so they decided to get married or else they could never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, be together. So they were wed in the Muggle fashion.

Now Emily knew she could not leave him behind, or else the Death Eaters would catch him and he would die a tragic, dark, horrible, horrid, dismal, awful, terrible, unfortunate, mirthful, ghastly, nasty, terrifying, abnormal, frightening, weird, serendipitous death.

"This thing does wonders for the brain," the Tall Diana commented.

"Um, yeah…" The Short Diana stared at the page.

But NO! They caught Draco before they made it to the amusement park! Alas, the Death Eaters came! Emily screamed, and Draco shoved his chocolate bar down his throat so they would not get it. Then they both died tragic, dark, horrible, horrid, dismal, awful, terrible, unfortunate, mirthful, ghastly, nasty, terrifying, abnormal, frightening, weird, serendipitous deaths.

**The End**

"That's a great chapter," the Short Diana said sarcastically.

"Yup, it is," the Tall Diana said, staring at her glass in anguish. "I need more cordial."

"Yeah, well, while you're doing that-"

REWIND…

Of course they could not go to Lagoon alone, because going to amusement parks without friends is stupid.

"Nooooo," howled the Tall Diana. "You ruuuuuuuuuuined it."

"No, I improved it!"

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"_Flippendo_!"

And the story burst into flames.

"Noooooooooo!" the Tall Diana screamed. "Write 'rewind', hurry, hurry!"

"Oh dear. I'm hurrying; I'm hurrying…"

REWIND…

Of course they could not go to Lagoon alone… because they couldn't, okay? So, anyways, they invited Harry and Ron first.

"Where is this amusement park again?" Harry asked.

"Utah."

"Utah?" Ron said blankly.

"It's in the United States," Brianne exclaimed.

"Oh. The United States?"

Emily and Brianne sighed. Poor, ignorant Ron. Unfortunately, the Harry Potter books had never left the vicinity of Great Britain before, so what could they expect?

"You'll like it," Emily said. "We're going to fly on an airplane!"

"Airplane?"

Then they decided to ask Draco.

"Draco," Emily began. "I love you! Fly with me to America to ride Puff the Little Firedragon! Or- or we could go swimming, as I wear a wonderfully attractive swimsuit!"

Draco was about to answer when suddenly he choked and died a tragic, dark, horrible, horrid, dismal, awful, terrible, unfortunate, mirthful, ghastly, nasty, terrifying, abnormal, frightening, weird, serendipitous death. Emily was devastated. In the coming years, she would drink vodka constantly and become an alcoholic until she wasted away, forgotten, in a tall tower with no doors or windows or stairs-

"How the heck did she get in there, then?" the Short Diana asked.

"She flew," the Tall Diana said dramatically.

"Through the wall?"

"Oh, shut up."

REWIND…

"Draco," Emily began, "will you come with us to an amusement park in America?"

"I'll think about it," said Draco.

They decided not to invite Luna, because then they would have to invite Ginny, and while that wouldn't have been too bad if they invited Ginny they would also have to invite Hermione, and that. Would ruin. Their lives.

* * *

Draco sat in the airport, contemplating. He would not fly in an airplane for Crabbe or Goyle. He would not fly in an airplane for Lord Voldemort. He would not fly in an airplane for his own mother. So why was he going to fly in an airplane for Emily? It was one of the unsolved mysteries of the universe.

"Draco, would you carry my luggage?" Emily called.

Draco agreed. Then he saw exactly how much luggage she had.

She had six dress cases, seven and a half carry-ons, three hundred and fifty large suitcases, a piano, three purses, a kennel with a little fluffy poodle she had just bought named One Who Pounces on Turtle-

"Wait a second," the Short Diana said. "Why is it called One Who Pounces on Turtle?"

"Because it pounces on anything that is a turtle," the Tall Diana said through her four hundred and seventh glass of cordial.

-and a baseball bat.

"You need all of this for one week?" Draco asked.

"Yes," Emily said positively. "I do."

Ron, Brianne, and Harry joined them. Brianne, pulling one largish, blue-flowered suitcase, stopped.

"Emily," she said, "I didn't know you had this much stuff."

"I stole it," Emily answered cheerfully.

"Oh," Brianne said, seemingly not surprised to learn her best friend was a thief. "Okey-dokey."

"Well, time to go through Customs," Emily said.

"Customs? What customs?" Ron said, confused.

"Ron, you're stupid," Emily said.

Ron cried.

"Ron, your eyes are so big and blue when you cry," Brianne commented.

Ron perked up immediately. "You actually just complimented me!"

"Maybe you should cry all the time, Ron," Harry said. "Then she'll always notice you have nice eyes."

"Okay!" Ron said, and promptly began crying again.

So they all trooped over to Customs.

"Wait!" Emily said. "My luggage!" Except she said it in a French accent, because she decided only French people could have so much luggage and a poodle to boot.

"And the baseball bat?" the Short Diana queried. "Do they play baseball in France?"

"That," the Tall Diana said, "is of no consequence."

"I'll get your luggage," Draco said. He whipped out his wand and said, "_Accio Emily's luggage_."

"And dog," Emily prompted.

"_And dog_."

The kennel flew through the air and landed in Emily's arms. The luggage flew through the air and landed on Draco.

"Oh my goodness!" yelled the Customs guard. He ran over and tried to move the luggage. He was pushing the piano away when he froze.

"This piano says, 'Property of the Beethoven Museum' on the side," he said slowly.

Everyone turned to look at Emily.

"Security!" the Customs guard shouted, pulling out his walkie-talkie. "We have some smugglers and terrorists here!"

"Terrorists?" Harry inquired.

"You dropped a piano on the poor man! If that's not terrorism, I don't know what is!"

"Bombings?" Brianne suggested. "Shootings? Stuff like that? I mean, maybe if I shot someone-"

"Shot someone?" the Customs guard said, panicking. "Security! SECURITY! They're planning to shoot someone!"

"You're only aggravating the situation," Harry said dryly.

Then the Ministry of Magic wizards arrived. "We're here to arrest the witch or wizard who used the Summoning Charm in this Muggle vicinity."

Emily, Brianne, Harry, and Ron all pointed to the piano.

Then the security guards streamed in.

"All right, missy, what else have you got on you?" one asked.

Emily was nonchalantly preparing to spray perfume all over her person.

"What?" she said innocently.

"I'm afraid you're going to have to come with us," the Customs guard said, firmly grabbing her arm.

Emily looked at his nametag. It read, 'Turtle'.

Suddenly there was a snarling as One Who Pounces on Turtle speedily gnawed through his cage, leapt through the air, and landed on the Customs guard's face.

"Help!" cried the guard.

Brianne decided to help the poor man, whose only real crime was having the strange and unusual name of Turtle. "_Universary_!" she shouted. Dark red liquid sloshed from the sky. The Customs guard slipped in it and fell over.

"Oops," said Brianne.

In an effort to get rid of all the liquid, she cried, "_Flippendo_!" Flames magically appeared and dried up the liquid. They unfortunately also caught the entire building on fire.

The airport burned to the ground. No one escaped, and they all died tragic, dark, horrible, horrid, dismal, awful, terrible, unfortunate, mirthful, ghastly, nasty, terrifying, abnormal, frightening, weird, serendipitous deaths.

"Yes!" the Tall Diana. "Dead, dead, all burning in flames, burning, burning, burning-! Wha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

"I really don't think my influence is good for you," the Short Diana said. "You were perfectly fine when we started this fanfiction, but it's all gone downhill from there…"

REWIND…

"Draco, would you carry my luggage?" Emily called.

"No," Draco said. "Carry it yourself."

"Okay," said Emily, shouldering her one carry-on and hefting her baseball bat.

They went through Customs and were about to board their plane.

"Wait a minute," Emily said. "Should we do this, or should we call it quits?"

"Excellent idea, Emily!" Brianne said. "Let's call the plane Quits."

Emily glared at her.

They got on the plane –or Quits, if you prefer- settled down, watched the flight video, and prepared for take-off. Emily sat between Draco and Harry, and Ron and Brianne were sitting together. Then the plane took off. It was a private plane they had chartered for the flight, so they were the only passengers.

"This is loads of fun!" Ron said.

Suddenly, the pilot died a tragic, dark, horrible, horrid, dismal, awful, terrible, unfortunate, mirthful, ghastly, nasty, terrifying, abnormal, frightening, weird, serendipitous death. The plane, having no one to fly it, began careening out of control.

"Aaaaaaauuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrggggghhhhh!" they all screamed.

"We're going down!" Brianne yelled.

"What'll we do?" Draco asked frantically.

"Everyone, remain calm," Emily said. "I came prepared for this situation. I brought something that can save us all- a baseball bat!"

"How will that save us?" Ron asked in terror.

"I… am not sure." Emily thought about it for a minute, then began fruitlessly attacking the plastic windows with her bat.

"Maybe we should just open the emergency window," Brianne said. "Where are the parachutes?"

They quickly looked around the cabin but only found three parachutes.

"This is a problem," Ron observed.

"Wait," said Harry. "Why doesn't someone just fly the plane?"

"Ooh!" Emily said, dropping her bat. "That's a great idea!" She quickly ran to where the pilot was sprawled over the controls, hoisted him off the chair, and took over.

"I call a parachute," Harry said.

"Me too," said Draco.

"Me three," said Ron.

"That's not fair," Brianne protested.

"What, do you guys think I can't fly a plane or something?" Emily said, hurt. "I am actually very good at flying. I took lessons for, like, seventeen years!"

"Oh," they all said.

"But you're only sixteen," Brianne pointed out after a pause.

"My mother took them on my behalf. Now watch and learn."

Emily drove a straight course through the air. The others sat on their respective seats, the boys hugging their parachutes anxiously.

Emily turned out to be a compulsive radio-changer. Every now and again her hand would suddenly twitch from the steering wheel to the radio knob, whirling it randomly until another station came on. They went from a jazz station, to country, to alternative rock, to Broadway musicals-

A siren interrupted them.

"Oh drat," Emily said. "It's the air police. I'll have to pull over."

"Yeah, where?" Draco said, looking pointedly at the desolate sky.

"Figure of speech."

"Excuse me, miss," the police officer said, flying up next to them. "You were going over the speed limit."

"No, I wasn't."

"Yes, you were. The speed limit is five hundred, and you were going five hundred and three."

"Nuh-uh!" Emily pouted. "I was only going five hundred and two _and a half_!"

"I'm afraid you'll have to come with me, miss. Please exit your vehicle and step onto my airbike."

"Okay," Emily said, and from force of habit born of driving a car she reached out and turned off the idling engine.

The plane immediately plunged towards the ground.

The four passengers screamed in terror.

"Quick, Ron, give me your parachute!" Brianne said. "It's the gentlemanly thing to do."

Ron saw a way to turn this to his advantage. "Okay. I'll give it to you if you'll go out with me."

Brianne looked at him. "Ron, if you give me your parachute, you're going to die."

"So?"

"I would say that definitely lessens our ability of going out."

"Oh. Oh, yeah. Never mind, then. I'm keeping it. I don't want to die."

"RON!"

Harry and Draco both ran to Emily.

"Take my parachute!" they said in unison.

"Now which one should I take it from?" Emily said, speaking to herself. "I could take it from the one I love least, but then I would be leading him on! I could take it from the one I love most, but then he would _know _I loved him most! And that would ruin the plotline. Besides that, if I take it from him then he would die a tragic, dark, horrible, horrid, dismal, awful, terrible, unfortunate, mirthful, ghastly, nasty, terrifying, abnormal, frightening, weird, serendipitous death! So I _should _take it from the one I love least, but that would still be leading him on! And giving away the plot! And who do I love the most anyways?"

And then the plane hit the ground and blew up in a burst of fiery flames as effectively as if someone had pointed a wand at it and yelled, "_Flippendo_!", and all five died tragic, dark, horrible, horrid, dismal, awful, terrible, unfortunate, mirthful, ghastly, nasty, terrifying, abnormal, frightening, weird, serendipitous deaths.

REWIND…

"This is loads of fun!" Ron said.

And it was. Then the plane landed in Utah a while later. They were exhausted, so they went to Emily's deceased family's house and had a late-night movie fest. Then the boys went to a hotel, promising to come by in the morning to go to Lagoon.

* * *

Then… it was morning. Except actually it was not morning, for darkness still ruled the land. But- alone- in a corner of the world- stood Emily, applying……………… _MASCARA_!

"Emily, it's three in the morning. What the heck are you doing?" asked Brianne, rubbing her eyes.

"I'm clearly applying my ten thousand coats of mascara, Brianne! Nine thousand nine hundred ninety-eight… nine thousand nine hundred ninety-nine-"

Suddenly Brianne, who had gone back to sleep, burst out with an exclamation. "I don't like pumpernickel bread!" she yelled, distressed by her dreams.

"I don't like pumpernickel bread either!" Emily exclaimed before she realized Brianne was talking in her sleep. "Nine thousand… uh… oh no!" She burst into tears, ruining her nine thousand nine hundred ninety nine coats of mascara. "I lost count!" She sobbed, and then rubbing the excess mascara from her face –which was drowning in a pool of tarry blackness- she started _again_.

* * *

The boys arrived at nine-thirty as planned, just as Emily was finishing her ten thousandth coat.

"Eureka!" Emily cried. "I am beautiful!"

Draco absentmindedly began to nod, and then, to cover up his mistake, quickly asked, "Where's Brianne?"

And then Emily, in a fit of jealousy, killed him! He quickly died a tragic, dark, horrible, horrid, dismal, awful, terrible, unfortunate, mirthful, ghastly, nasty, terrifying, abnormal, frightening, weird, serendipitous death.

"Not another one!" exclaimed the Short Diana.

"Are we even going to bother to rewind?" the Tall Diana asked, gleeful after her killing spree.

"No. We can live without Draco," the Short Diana decided.

On the story moved.

"To answer your question," Emily said to the dead Draco, "Brianne is still asleep. I shall go wake her and tell her to get ready because we are leaving in three point two five seconds."

"Time's up," the Short Diana said.

"Drat!" Emily exclaimed. "Late again. Oh well, I suppose it doesn't matter now that Draco is dead."

She went to get Brianne, who was still suffering from stressful dreams.

"Bryan, you play the cymbals so well!" she said in a fit of tossing and turning. "What do you mean, now you have no reason to take AP Biology? What are you talking about, Joshua? I don't want to be sad, you say? YES I DO!!" she yelled, leaping out of bed, and was suddenly awake.

"Time to go, Brianne. We're late," Emily announced.

"I am _too_ allowed to yell in the band room!" Brianne said, still half in her dreams.

"Time to go!"

Brianne went to get dressed. She put on her overalls plus a belt plus suspenders because she suddenly decided she had a dreadful fear of her pants falling off.

And instantly they were at Lagoon, because they decided to Apparate, and all of them could Apparate because they were awesome.

"Let's ride Puff the Little Fire Dragon!" Brianne said, hyperly because she had bought three thousand sticks of cotton candy as they entered the park, due to the fact that it cost nothing because they conveniently owned this park, as previously mentioned.

"Why," said a random teenage boy who was running a game, "do you not own a better amusement park? Like Disneyland?"

"_Expecto patronum_!" Emily shouted. A little Emily made of silver smoke shot out of the end of her wand and shrieked, "You're fired!"

"In fact, everyone is fired!" Emily added. "_Au revoir_," she said demonically.

And then, everybody left.

"Can we just move on with the storyline?" the Tall Diana asked. "I'm really getting sick and tired of this. Plus, it makes me more angsty!!"

The Short Diana acquiesced. "Oh, look," she said loudly, "there are the Rock-O-Planes!"

"I LOVE THE ROCK-O-PLANES!" Brianne said happily, still on a cotton candy high.

"I HATE THE ROCK-O-PLANES!" screeched Emily, not on a cotton candy high. "Let's go on Wild Mouse instead."

"I want Draco to sit by me," she whined.

"He's dead," Harry said darkly.

Ron chuckled maliciously. "You killed him."

"What? No! _No_! NO!" Emily denied it. "I never could kill the one I love."

"Wait, you love him?" Harry said, wounded.

"AUUUUURRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!" Emily turned in a rage and killed Harry. He died a tragic, dark, horrible, horrid, dismal, awful, terrible, unfortunate, mirthful, ghastly, nasty, terrifying, abnormal, frightening, weird, serendipitous death. Then Brianne killed Ron, because she wanted to be a _Jekyll and Hyde_ wannabe too. He suffered a tragic, dark, horrible, horrid, dismal, awful, terrible, unfortunate, mirthful, ghastly, nasty, terrifying, abnormal, frightening, weird, serendipitous death. Then Emily killed Brianne's cotton candy by putting it in a tub of water, and they melted in a cotton candy semblance of a tragic, dark, horrible, horrid, dismal, awful, terrible, unfortunate, mirthful, ghastly, nasty, terrifying, abnormal, frightening, weird, serendipitous death. So then Brianne killed Emily, and it was a tragic, dark, horrible, horrid, dismal, awful, terrible, unfortunate, mirthful, ghastly, nasty, terrifying, abnormal, frightening, weird, serendipitous death. Then her pants fell off despite the overalls and the belt and the suspenders, and she screamed in fright.

"I think…" the Short Diana said "…now is the time to intervene."

"But I don't want to rewind," the Tall Diana sulked, even as Brianne was running around like a chicken without a head.

"Fine," the Short Diana said. "Watch this."

She went back in time, got Draco, and brought him back. Then she prepared a magical elixir made of crushed ticket stubs and called it 'the Elixir of Crushed Dreams'.

"I thought you said they were ticket stubs," Draco commented.

"Same thing," the Short Diana said with a melancholy sigh. "Look at all these dead trees! Their dreams were crushed!"

"Crushed," the Tall Diana echoed. "Crushed. Crushed."

"Yes, well," Draco said.

The Short Diana sprinkled the tickets stubs over the characters' dead bodies and sang "A New Life" from _Jekyll and Hyde_ while the Tall Diana harmonized with an impromptu alto line that was reminiscent of "Kum Bi Ya".

So they came back to life, and Brianne refastened her pants on with some twine, and everything was all right.

"Let's go on Wild Mouse!" Emily said. So they did.

But when they got on the ride, they remembered how boring it was, plus it was painful because of how old, rusty, and jerky the carts, inflicting severe pain as the seat belts snapped into their stomachs with the sudden twists and turns.

"Why did we go on this ride?" Brianne asked.

"Yeah, boooring," the Tall Diana said. So they fast forwarded.

FAST FORWARD…

"I love the train!" Brianne said in wonderment. "I love the animals they have in cages along the tracks!"

"Look, lions!" Ron said, also admiring the animals. "Tigers! Bears! Bees!"

"Bees? A cage of bees? That's ridiculous. Whoever put them there is fired!" Emily said. "Any one of those bees could fly out through the holes in the chain link. In fact, all of them could! In fact, all of them _are_!"

The bees swarmed them.

"Has anyone been stung?" Harry asked worriedly.

"No," Brianne said. She took a swig of her delicious drink called Kearn's Peach Nectar. She let out an exclamation and dropped the can, for a bee hiding inside had stung her lip.

"Oh no!" Emily said. "Are you all right?"

"I'm… not sure," Brianne whimpered. "I've never been stung by a bee before! I may be allergic!"

"What do we do?" Emily said frantically.

"Benedryl!" Harry offered.

"Put a bronze Knut on her lip to draw the poison out," Draco said.

"Tarragon!" Ron exclaimed. "My mum says it works for dragon bites!"

"It's a bee sting, not a dragon bite!" Emily countered. "We should clearly put a silver stake through her heart and wear strings of garlic around our necks!"

"No," said Ron. "That's stupid."

"Who are_ you_ calling stupid?"

But, alas! They argued too long, for Brianne let out an indistinct squeak and her head fell back in tragic, dark, horrible, horrid, dismal, awful, terrible, unfortunate, mirthful, ghastly, nasty, terrifying, abnormal, frightening, weird, serendipitous death.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ron said.

REWIND…

They got off the train after thoroughly enjoying the animals.

"Let's go on Wild Mouse!"

"Why did we go on this ride?" Draco asked as they went through another painful round.

FAST FORWARD…

"Let's eat French fries," Brianne said. She went and got some.

"Those are chips," Draco told her, looking at them.

"No, they're French fries," Brianne said. "They're thinner than chips, and they're an all-American food."

"But they're called French fries," Ron said.

"Yes, but they're American. Although actually they come from Belgium."

Ron was confused. So confused he spontaneously combusted and died a tragic, dark, horrible, horrid, dismal, awful, terrible, unfortunate, mirthful, ghastly, nasty, terrifying, abnormal, frightening, weird, serendipitous death.

"More for us," Brianne said, looking at the paper plate of the all-American food called French fries from Belgium.

REWIND…

"Let's go on Wild Mouse!"

"Why did we go on this ride?" Harry wanted to know as their stomachs were tortured.

FAST FORWARD…

"I'm bored. Let's watch people," Emily said.

"But there's no one here but us. You fired everyone," Ron reminded her.

"Oh yeah… Oh well. I guess we can watch each other."

They glanced at each other. And then glanced some more. And then suspiciously shifted their eyes as they realized they were being watched.

"Stalker!" Emily cried as she began to take notes on Draco's intense silver gaze. "Why are you staring at me, Ronald?"

And then Harry's eyes suddenly turned into lasers. Brianne, whom he had been watching, obliviated into…

"Um," the Tall Diana said, at a loss.

"Oblivion," the Short Diana suggested.

…obliviated into oblivion.

"Brianne!" said Ron, who had turned to watch her. "You're gone!"

"Well, that's a crud," Emily said.

Harry turned to look at her, and she too obliviated into oblivion. Then he turned to look at Ron-

"INTERVENTION!" screamed the Tall Diana.

REWIND…

"Let's go on Wild Mouse!"

"Why did we go on this ride?" Ron asked as they underwent strenuous stomach compactions.

But this time was different.

As the cute little mouse-and-cat car went into the human's kitchen, the ride. _**STOPPED**_.

"Oh no!" Emily said. "I just realized I fired everyone, and there's no one to start the ride again! We shall remain here for eternity!"

"But wait," the Short Diana said. "Who started the ride?"

"I did," the Tall Diana confessed.

"So start it again."

"Just watch, just watch…"

"This quaint little house will become our tomb!" bemoaned Harry.

"No! We can save ourselves!" Emily said. "If…"

"If?" they asked.

"If…"

"_If_?"

"If…"

"IF?"

"If we plant a garden!" Emily said on a whim of inspiration.

"There will be no gardens here," Draco said menacingly.

"I _knew_ watching _Wuthering Heights _last night was a bad idea," Brianne murmured.

With no chance of survival because of Draco's finicky opinions on vegetation, they prepared to give up the ghost and die tragic, dark, horrible, horrid, dismal, awful, terrible, unfortunate, mirthful, ghastly, nasty, terrifying, abnormal, frightening, weird, serendipitous deaths.

"Not today…" the Short Diana said, and did her now-famous rewind work.

REWIND…

"La de da de da de da de da." The Short Diana sang "The Minuet in G" for a filler, and then fast forwarded.

FAST FORWARD…

They had a great time at Lagoon. They'd reached the end of the day, and the night was falling fast, so they decided it was time to bring themselves home. So they purchased several pounds of fudge from an eatery, and left.

"Wow," Harry said as they were exiting the park and snacking on fudge. "This chapter was strangely uneventful."

And then… the world crashed to the ground.


	9. The Escape of the Scented Sticker

Chapter Nine: The Escape of the Scented Sticker

Emily and Brianne were having a great day for no particular reason. They simply liked the day and how it was going. Then Emily made a fatal decision. She decided she felt so good she was in the mood for a little adventure.

"I'm in the mood for a little adventure, let's go to the Forbidden Forest!" she said to Brianne.

"OK," Brianne responded.

They slowly made their way across the Hogwarts grounds towards the mournful trees…

"Mournful trees, _purleeze,_" the Short Diana said, looking over the Tall Diana's shoulder. The Tall Diana ignored her.

…swishing in the wind.

As they were about to reach the forest they met Draco. He was toting a large backpack full of chocolate bars.

"Hi, Draco," Emily and Brianne said. Draco nodded. He had come prepared. When Emily had asked him to enter the Forbidden Forest with them he had not wanted to, but his undying love could not be swayed.

Much to Emily's dismay they also met Ron on the way to the forest.

"Hello," Brianne said cheerily to Ron.

Ron nodded like Draco. It seemed like a manly thing to do.

Now that everyone who was planned plus one unplanned were together they could enter the trees of DOOM!!!!

"Your chapters have taken a turn for the melodramatic Tall," the Short Diana said.

"Did you just call me Tall?" the Tall Diana asked.

"Yes indeed, I have decided that is how to shorten your name. But anyways, make it a bit more happy."

"Fine, _Short_," she quipped.

As they entered the trees a furry spider flew from a tree. Ron howled in agony as the thing landed on his thumbnail. Ron continued howling in agonized woe although the spider… was the size of a particle of dust.

"How can you even see it, Ron?" asked Emily.

"Ron has very good eyesight," Brianne responded.

Then the spider bit Ron, who cried. Which Brianne thought was all right because spiders were Ron's worst fear and his eyes did look ever so big when he cried. However, Emily and Draco thought it was lame and left Brianne to comfort him while forging deeper into the forest.

"That's not funny," the Short Diana said.

"I think so," the Tall Diana said.

The Short Diana glowered.

"Don't worry, it gets better."

As Emily and Draco got deeper in the forest they were very seriously considering kissing. They had known each other for almost an entire school year and they did like each other ever so much. Even with the fear of the loss of Draco's chocolate bar. Of course right as they were thinking this and realized the other one was as well, something showed up. It was a boy about their age. At first he seemed harmless but then he said, "Hello, my name is Twitch."

Emily started screaming, "No! Nooooo, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" rather loudly. So loudly, in fact, that Ron and Brianne heard.

Ron abruptly discovered HE had developed a saving-people thing. He also discovered he was clad in red and blue and had spider webs shooting out his arms. Ron was SPIDERMAN.

"What is it Emily?!" he screamed as he came upon them.

"It's TWITCH," she shouted back and Brianne looked horrified as Twitch cackled manically.

"Who is Twitch, Mary Jane?" Ron-Spiderman asked.

Everyone just looked at him.

"Who is Mary Jane?" Brianne asked.

"Well, I thought since I was Spiderman and we kind of like each other that maybe you would be called Mary Jane now," Ron-Spiderman said rather abashedly.

"What? NO!" Brianne said angrily.

Ron was near tears. "You mean we can't even do the kissing upside-down thing?" Ronald flipped himself upside-down and pulled down his mask a little to demonstrate.

"No, especially not that!" Brianne was turning rather red in the face and her wand was rather close to coming out.

"Oh, but Brianne it would be so romantic!" Emily squealed.

But before Brianne could give Emily a piece of her mind Twitch started shaking and the ground shook with him.

"Earthquake!" Draco yelled in a rather un-Draco-like way.

Of course in all the excitement of the romance and upside-down kissing everyone forgot about Twitch. He, after all, was not a very interesting person. However, he had a frightening earth-shaking power that Brianne and Emily had experienced before. Also, the crack they formed in the dirt let loose his CARE BEAR minions. They were terrifying. At first they seemed harmless but then it was noticed they had frighteningly long teeth that easily tore through trees.

"Why were they chewing on trees?" the Short Diana asked.

"They're hungry. Twitch doesn't feed them," the Tall Diana replied.

"That Twitch. He always was as dumb as…"

"Short!"

"Sorry, I'll stop. I'll stop."

In the commotion of everything Draco had been rather bored so he had retrieved some scented stickers from his backpack. As he was sniffing them the earthquake shook them from his grip.

Draco shrieked as if he had been shot by a gun. They were rather delicious-smelling stickers. Emily rushed to his side and hugged him close.

"What is it my dearest darling?" she asked.

"My stickers just fell into that huge cave!"

Emily looked bravely toward the cave he pointed out. The ground still shook as Ron-Spiderman tried to defeat Twitch.

"I'll save you Mary Jane," he kept calling.

"I don't EVEN have red hair!" Brianne yelled angrily.

"I'll get them back Draco-poopsie-lovebiscuit," Emily cooed.

"You're making me ill," the Short Diana said as she read.

"At least there haven't been any make-out scenes yet. I'm being terribly discreet," the Tall Diana argued.

She went into the cave and saw that the stickers were just barely inside and Emily easily picked them up and took them back to Draco. However, she had disturbed the residents of the cave. Out poured a bunch of those big spider things from Year Two!!!

"They're called acromantulas," said the Short Diana.

"And you think I can spell that?" the Tall Diana said.

Ron saw these gigantic spiders, although he normally would have run from them and gone and hidden and cried like a little boy, as an opportunity.

He straddled one and used it to run over Twitch.

But Twitch had one more trick up his sleeve. His hair… was INDESTRUCTIBLE!

"He always did put too much hairspray in his hair," Brianne commented.

"Yes," Emily agreed.

Anything that hit his hair just bounced off. But as he was taking the upper hand Wembley the Fraggle fell from the sky and landed directly on Twitch.

"Everyone should love a WIMP!" cried Wembley.

Twitch disappeared and Wembley had saved the day.

"Who are you?" Brianne asked.

"I'm Wembley. I'm warmer than a quilt and bigger than a bean," replied Wembley.

Brianne, of course fell madly in love with him and they rode a spider off into the sunset.

"Mary Jane!" Ron called after them. He wept bitterly.

"Draco… I think I still might like Harry more…" Emily said. She figured while everyone else was unhappy Draco might have some company in his misery.

Emily left Draco there and went to the castle to find Harry.

* * *

Ron and Draco sat quietly, tears streaming down their faces.

"Why is Harry so perfect?" asked Draco. "If he were ugly no one would like him."

"I'm a WIMP!" called Ron.

Then Hermione entered the woods.

"Dearest Draco. How I love you!" she cried.

Draco was very frightened as Hermione threw herself at him.

"What's going on?" said another Hermione who had just entered the woods.

"Wait… isn't this a Dramione story?" asked the first Hermione clinging to Draco.

"Wrong fanfiction. I love Emily in this one," Draco replied.

"Whoops," and the first Hermione left.

"Well isn't she dumb," Hermione said, "She had a strange slurring problem. What's a Dramione?" Hermione laughed but no one joined her.

"I'm a wimp!" Ron called pitifully.

"Nah. You're Spiderman. He's not a wimp," Draco said.

Harry and Emily were seen a little bit away holding hands and talking. Emily laughed jovially.

"This is boring," Draco commented, "You'd think Emily and I would have at least kissed at this point."

"I'm a wimp," Ron said dismally.


	10. Harry Potter & the Magical Radio Braces

Chapter Ten: Harry Potter and the Magical Radio Braces

Harry Potter stood outside the door of Albus Dumbledore's study. The teenage boy's black hair lay tousled as usual, leaving the lightning-shaped scar on his forehead clearly visible. His green eyes stood bright behind his glasses as he raised his fist and knocked.

"Come in," called Professor Dumbledore, and he entered.

"Ah, Harry, good," Dumbledore said.

"You called, Professor?"

"Indeed I did. Have a seat."

Harry sat in the chair before the headmaster's desk. As he waited for Professor Dumbledore to begin, he traced his fingers over the intricate patterns in the dark wood of the chair.

"Harry, do you guess why I have called you here?"

"Is it about Voldemort, sir?" Harry asked; he could think of few other reasons Dumbledore would call him from breakfast.

"Very good, Harry. It is, in fact, about Lord Voldemort."

For a moment neither said anything, watching instead the particles of dust floating in a beam of light from the nearby window.

"I have decided best how to defeat Voldemort," Dumbledore said at last.

"Sir?!"

"As you know, Harry, there are powers on this earth that Lord Voldemort cannot comprehend."

"Like love."

"Yes, love. And music."

"Music?" Harry echoed.

"Yes. Harry, music is so precious and wonderful a thing that the Dark Lord knows it not. He will never understand it." Tears trickled down Dumbledore's cheeks. "You, and you alone, can defeat Voldemort, Harry, and you will have music to aid you."

"How, Professor?"

"Ah, I was waiting for you to ask that. Please, come with me."

* * *

A few hours later, Harry walked into Charms with braces on his teeth.

"Blimey, mate! Where've you been? It's nearly lunch!" Ron whispered. "And what's in your mouth?"

"Attention, class! Your attention, please!" Professor Flitwick squeaked before Harry could answer.

"Oh! Harry! _Mon amour_!" Emily suddenly noticed Harry. She sprang to her feet, accidentally kicking Neville, who was giving her a pedicure, in the face. "My love! _Mon amour pour toi est si vrai, au moins le plus souvent, que je ne peux pas soutenir votre absence_! I could love you more than Juliet loved Romeo! I could love you more than a stalker loves those they stalk! I _do_ love you so much more than a clumsy, average brunette could ever love a sparkly vampire! _Oui, oui, oui en effet_!"

"_Ahem_," Flitwick said.

Emily ceased to speak, French or otherwise.

"Class, in two days you will be taking your MICE."

The class looked at him blankly.

"Your Mandatorily Importantly Crucial Exams?"

No response.

"The tests that all five-and-a-half years take at the end of the year," Flitwick explained.

"Ahh," said a few students, but most were still confused.

"These exams are not quite like those that you take each year. In this test, you must receive one hundred percent in at least one area or you will be forced to return the following year as a first year, and begin your magical education all over again.

"Now all the teachers have been endeavoring to prepare you for your MICE throughout the year. I know some of you have been spending more time giving half the castle food poisoning, going to amusement parks, illicitly entering the Forbidden Forest -" here he glanced at Ron and Brianne, clearly referring to last week's adventure. Brianne had returned in a mere two hours from her jaunt with Wembley, but she'd had to take Ron to the hospital wing after-hours for the radioactive spider bite antidote; both had been severely scolded by Professor McGonagall "- and other such things than doing schoolwork. Those of you who actually spent time studying, however, should be fine."

The only one who seemed excited by this assurance was Hermione.

"Any questions? No? Then, class dismissed! Go to lunch!"

* * *

"So Dumbledore said I could use music to defeat Voldemort, and he took me to the dentist to get these braces," Harry told his friends over lunch.

"Dentist? My parents are dentists!" Hermione butted in.

"Yes. Actually, they were the dentists he took me to, Hermione."

"Really? What were they like?" Ron asked.

"Nice. Very normal."

"She doesn't take after them, then," Brianne said. "But what do the braces have to do with music, Harry?"

Harry lowered his voice. "He gave me a radio," he breathed. "I can hook the radio wires to my braces, and get reception! Then I can play music at Voldemort, and defeat him!"

"Ohhh," Emily said, nodding wisely. "Like the classical station. Very scary." She shuddered.

"Dumbledore also gave me an instruction manual to the radio. He told me I must never, ever lose it."

They digested the magnanimity of this statement and nodded. Then they devoured their lunch.

* * *

That evening, Emily, Brianne, Harry, and Ron considered studying for their MICE, but got caught up in a game of Exploding Snap instead.

"We'll do it after Astronomy," Brianne said as they prepared to leave for this class.

Astronomy was a class they had taken every Wednesday night since first year. However, very little was ever said about it in day-to-day life. It would seem that what happened on the Astronomy Tower, stayed on the Astronomy Tower.

One of those things that there was an unspoken agreement to remain silent about was that they always made stew on the Astronomy Tower. Each Wednesday Professor Sinistra put a few students in charge of making stew for the rest. No one knew why, but no one questioned it or commented on it. To even say, "Hey, how about that stew we ate last night in Astronomy?" would have been considered terribly blasé.

Tonight, Professor Sinistra put Ron and Brianne in charge of the stew. They chopped meat and vegetables, added spices, and stirred the simmering broth. By the light of the fire blazing under the cauldron they made shadow puppets, and Ron cried tears of joy at their inky black perfectness.

The other five-and-a-half years were busy mapping the finer points of the night sky - all except for Emily. From where she sat by the cauldron, Brianne saw her best friend leave the Gryffindor side of the tower and walk to where the Slytherins had set up on the polar opposite. Then, just as she and Ron had figured out how to make a two-headed dragon shadow puppet, Emily returned to the Gryffindor side. And as they added thyme to the stew, Emily hurried by again.

"Emily, what have you been doing on the Slytherin side of the tower?"

"Draco and I have been kissing quite intensely!"

"But I thought you were thinking you might like Harry more."

"But Draco has kept complaining how we should at least kiss, and when I remind him that we kissed five chapters ago, he claims not to remember it. So I promised to kiss him on the Astronomy Tower tonight! And then I also had to kiss Harry!"

Brianne raised an eyebrow.

"It was only fair!" Emily protested. Brianne saw her lips were cut and bleeding from Harry's braces. "And so now I'm going back to kiss Draco some more!" Emily finished.

"I see," Brianne said. She was going to say something else but decided not to interfere. Instead she raised her wand, fixed Emily's lips –"_Episkey_"- and allowed her friend to continue on her way.

The stew was almost finished. Brianne siphoned some off the surface with her wand and brought it to her lips. "Mmm. Delicious. The only thing that would make it better is dumplings."

"Dumplings," Ron echoed, remembering that to be the word that had brought them together. Brianne just looked so beautiful to him right now, with her golden hair blowing in the wind. And he'd had a great time making stew with her, laughing and talking and making shadow puppets. He really wanted to kiss her. He was certain it would be exquisite. He shifted positions and slowly leaned towards her.

She looked up at him, questioning his sudden silence and the movement. He sighed inwardly and moved away. He thought he knew what she would do if he kissed him, and it was sure to be painful.

"Dumplings or no, we'll be able to have some in a minute," she assured him. "This stew is going to be great!"

They Summoned a ladle and prepared to serve their classmates.

"Why, Brianne, what are you and Ron doing over here?" Emily said as she passed by again, for the first time becoming aware that Brianne was not doing the assignment.

"You know," Brianne said, "that thing people sometimes do on the Astronomy Tower."

"Kissing?" Emily said, uncomprehending.

"No, the _other_ _thing_ people do on the Astronomy Tower."

"OH!" Emily exclaimed loudly. "You mean MAKING STEW!"

Every person atop the tower, Gryffindor and Slytherin and Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff, gasped audibly.

Professor Sinistra, too, was very flustered. "_What_ did you just say?"

"I said they were making stew!" Emily said. "Ron and Brianne were making stew! Stew! They were making it!"

Everyone gasped multiple times. Professor Sinistra was dumbfounded. She grasped at a suitable action.

"I want every Gryffindor to report to all-night detention immediately!" she ordered, somehow managing to speak. "Except for you, Hermione; you're a model student."

All-night detention. It was a weighty punishment; then again, no one had ever done anything quite so terrible before.

* * *

In a dark and distant town, Voldemort sat brooding in a chair, fondling his stick.

In his youth, Voldemort had once heard the saying, "Speak softly and carry a big stick." Therefore he always spoke in a sibilant whisper, and he always carried a big stick. He used it to hit things. One of his favorite things to hit was Death Eaters, such as Lucius Malfoy.

Lucius stood before him now. "My liege-"

"Not now, Lucius," Voldemort hissed.

"I was merely about to suggest a remedy to your boredom, my lord. What if we played Signs?"

"No." Voldemort struck him with the stick. "We always play that, and besides it's impossible with two people."

"What do you wish to do, then, my lord?"

"Plot against Harry Potter," Voldemort said menacingly. And softly. And while carrying a big stick.

* * *

The next morning at breakfast, every five-and-a-half-year Gryffindor but Hermione was very tired. They'd come straight from detention, where they'd been forced to clean the dungeons with toothbrushes.

Neville fell asleep with his face in his porridge. The rest struggled to stay awake.

"The mail's here," Dean remarked sleepily.

And so it was. Owls swooped into the hall, bearing letters and packages.

"Emily!" Draco said, coming to her. "Are you all right? How was the detention? Do you think-"

"Emily," Harry cut in, "if you want I could definitely-"

"Oh, be quiet, both of you," Emily said crossly; she was grumpy from her lack of sleep. "I'm breaking up with one of you sometime next chapter! Having two boyfriends is getting annoying!"

She was relieved when they both left her alone. Now she could have some peace and quiet to read her mail. Her owl had brought her several dozen letters now massed before her, along with some packages and letters from generic business owls.

"Oh, this one is from the President of the United States," she said offhandedly, tossing a letter aside. "What _does_ he want? Victoria Beckham wants my opinion on her new clothing line... And I really must get back to George Lucas sometime soon."

Emily's parents and Brianne's parents had gone in on many successful business ventures together, including their amusement park. Sometimes, Emily mused, it was hard to take care of all their holdings in various areas and companies of the world. Certainly she got a lot of letters.

She glanced over at Harry, then at Draco. She felt sorry for being so irritable, but felt comfort in the fact that if both consequently became very angry with her she could order a new boyfriend from Boys R Us.

Looking at her mail, Emily suddenly remembered that she had an important letter to write. Because she and Brianne were so popular, she knew they were expected to hold an amazing party at the end of the year. Brianne was not good at things like planning parties; therefore Emily would have to plan it on both of their behalf. The thing was, after the surprise party for Brianne had gone so badly wrong, Emily had fired her party planner, Mordecai. Now she needed to write to the party planning agency and hire a new one.

At this moment, Brianne arrived at the breakfast table, walking tiredly. She had gone back to the dormitory to change her socks. One was a short, gray sock with a green argyle pattern; the other was white and covered with red, twining roses. It was so tall a sock that Brianne was considering getting a garter belt to keep it up.

"Do you change your socks in the dark?" Ron asked; he had always wondered that.

"No, I change them in a very bright room." Brianne sat down. There was quite a pile of mail for her, though it was smaller than Emily's.

"Ah, a letter from my pen pal," she said.

"What does he say?" Emily asked with interest; she was now writing a letter to the party planning agency with her pink, sparkly quill on pink, scented parchment.

"You have a pen pal?" Ron asked.

"Yes," Brianne said as she dug into a Belgian waffle. "He's Guamian. Or is it Guamish... Guamese... Guamarian? Guamarovian? Well, anyway, he's from Guam. His name is Magu. We talk about our hopes, our fears, our dreams and schemes, all our innermost feelings- you know, the normal stuff."

Ron was suddenly very jealous of Magu from Guam.

"What else have I got? Oh, excellent! My learn-it-yourself Spanish kit has arrived!" Brianne exclaimed. "Now I can resume my study of Spanish! And what's this?"

It was a cardboard container. Brianne looked at the return address.

"Oh!" she exclaimed. "My rat is here!"

"Your what?"

"My rat. My new pet rat! My family used to have a rat, but it perished when everyone else in my family did," Brianne explained, pausing to eat a sausage. "So I've ordered myself this new one. I shall call it Sam!"

Eagerly she ripped the lid from the box. A tan rat leapt out, ran across the length of the Gryffindor table, and dashed from the Great Hall.

"Sam!" Brianne cried. She started to go after him, but Ron stopped her.

"We have to go to class," he said.

"But Sam -"

"We'll find him later."

* * *

As soon as the Gryffindors sat down in Defense Against the Dark Arts, several fell asleep, snoring loudly. Professor Edispu turned them upside-down. The rest heard his lecture as going something like this:

"Blah blah blah blah blah. Boggarts. Blah blah blah blah blah blah. Shield spells. Blah blah blah blah blah. Patronus. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. MICE."

"RAT!" Brianne suddenly screamed.

"No, MICE -"

"No, my rat!" Brianne pointed to Sam, who was running about the room. "That's my rat! Professor -"

Before she could ask permission to chase him, Sam had gone.

"Never mind," she sighed.

* * *

They arrived at Transfiguration, walking as ones who somnambulate. This time, about two-thirds of the students conked out immediately. Those remaining were given the task of transfiguring blocks of wood into pillows. They tried to resist the temptation of laying their heads on the pillows and going to sleep, but it was very hard.

Sam made an appearance in the Transfiguration classroom as well. Brianne had only time to glance at him dolefully before he was gone.

By the time they got to History of Magic, everyone was so, so tired. All but Hermione slipped into instant slumber as soon as their bodies connected with their chairs. Professor Binns didn't notice their mental absence, and none of them noticed his lecture as they dreamed. Brianne didn't even wake up when Sam curled up in her hair and slept for half an hour. By the time she had awoken, though, he was no longer there.

It went like this all day. They all totally missed their MICE reviews because they simply couldn't stay awake.

"Let's go take a nap," Emily moaned in a very tired voice as they dragged themselves toward Gryffindor Tower.

"You can't," Hermione informed her. "You all have to go study for your MICE, or you'll fail for sure and have to go back to your first year."

"No! We don't want to go back to first year!" Harry and Ron gasped as they remembered all the awful things that had happened to them that year.

"Then go study." Hermione turned on her heel and flounced away.

Suddenly, Brianne squeaked.

"Sam," she whispered, pointing. The little rat was running the length of the hall. "AFTER HIM!"

They ran. Emily ran so hard she lost her shoe. They all rounded the corner, Sam in the lead, and vanished from the corridor.

The Short Diana appeared in the deserted corridor.

The Tall Diana immediately appeared as well, staring at her.

"What?" the Short Diana said.

"It has taken you an awfully long time to pop into this chapter," the Tall Diana said.

"And?"

The Tall Diana squinted at her suspiciously. "Why?"

"Because I've actually been trying to do something that pretty much hasn't happened since Chapter Two."

"That would be -"

"Moving the plot along."

"Oh." The Tall Diana nodded. "I see. But this is your last chapter, Short. I at least expected some kind of fabulous tomfoolery - with fireworks or something -"

"There will be time enough for fireworks later," the Short Diana said. "Now, I know that normally we don't get along because my chapters are so long and nonsensical and yours are so short and abruptly dramatic, but right now I need your help. We must think of a way to get Voldemort to take notice of Emily and Brianne! Otherwise there will be no end-of-year confrontation scene, and that would just ruin all our hard work!"

"I see what you mean," the Tall Diana said. "Let us think."

"And listen to some inspiring music." The Short Diana pulled out her Zen and pressed play.

"_Into the Woods_?" the Tall Diana queried as they each listened to an earphone.

"Well, you must admit the plot is quite well-developed, even if the music is unusual and has confusing lyrics."

They listened intently.

_So you give him a clue_

_For example, a shoe-_

They looked at each other, then at Emily's shoe lying on the ground.

"That works," the Short Diana said. "Now try to not be noticeable."

"Why?"

Voldemort and Lucius Malfoy appeared.

"Oh."

"Here we are," Voldemort said softly. "Hogwarts!"

"My lord, how could we have possibly gotten inside?" Lucius asked.

"This is fanfiction, Lucius. It defies logic." Voldemort hit him with the stick.

"Why does he have a stick?" the Tall Diana asked in a low voice.

"The stick was your idea," the Short Diana murmured.

"What?"

"Yes. It was. You specifically said some time ago that you wanted Voldemort to be carrying a stick."

"I don't remember that."

"Still, it was your idea."

"Now, where is Harry Potter?" Voldemort asked.

"Not here, my lord. All I see is a fashionable shoe lying on the floor." Lucius handed it to Voldemort for investigation.

Emily and Brianne came down the hall. Brianne was finally holding her rat, and Emily was looking for her shoe.

"Ohhh, there it is." She snatched it from Voldemort. "Thanks!" And they left.

"Who was that?" Voldemort's slitted eyes narrowed even more. He prepared to hit Lucius for not knowing.

Lucius, however, surprised him. "My liege, they seem to be the daughters of those four American Muggle zillionaires who defied you so many times. After we Death Eaters killed the parents, I sent Goyle after the girls. However, when they screamed at him, he ran away. He did not admit to not finishing the job until after we had left the area."

"Oh yes, that was the time I hit Goyle repeatedly with my stick," Voldemort reflected. "Well, we must finish the job, then. Preferably at the same time as plotting against Harry Potter. Lucius, you must find a way to lure them into my clutches."

"Yes, my liege."

They left.

So did the Two Dianas. Mission accomplished.

* * *

Up in the Gryffindor Common Room, Harry, Ron, Emily, and Brianne, were studying.

They sat on the most comfortable chairs and sofa, trying to ignore the buzz of all the other students as they studied for their MICE.

"Where is the capital of Alberta?" Ron read aloud from a book on his lap.

"Wherever you left it, Moody!" Emily said, laughing hysterically.

"Focus," Ron said. "What is the capital of Manitoba?"

"Winnipeg!" Emily said promptly.

"Correct." Ron flipped through a few pages. "What is Okinawa?"

"Oh! Oh! I know this one! My cousins used to live there!" Brianne said in excitement. "Okinawa is the largest island of the central Ryukyu Islands!"

"That's correct!"

Emily and Brianne high-fived, excited to know the geography of regions of Canada and Japan.

"I think we're good on geography," Ron said. "What else should we look at?"

"You're studying _geography_?" Hermione said, overhearing them. "For your _MICE_?"

"Why yes. What else would we study?"

"Standard spells, complex potions, defensive theories -"

The four tuned Hermione out, preparing to move on to the next subject.

On the floor was a pile of things that would help them study: _The Encyclopedia Britannica_, a stack of AP Biology flashcards, an assortment of papers depicting the different conjugations of verbs, a sandwich, _How to Read Literature Like a Professor_, a blank CD, a scientific calculator, Emily's stuffed rhino, and a copy of _Twilight_.

"I think we should study _Twilight_ next," Harry said, fiddling with his radio as he read the instruction manual and attempted to hook it up to his braces properly.

"Undoubtedly," Ron said, picking it up.

"- you could at least try studying magic!" Hermione finished, her lecture unheard up to this point.

"_Twilight is_ magic," Emily said. "The magic of love. And sparkles."

"Hey!" Brianne said. "I have an idea. Let's get out my learn-it-yourself Spanish kit, and study with that!"

They immediately agreed. So Brianne opened up her kit to find a handful of sparkly dust, which she threw onto the floor. Immediately two Hispanic girls appeared.

"I _told_ you that sparkles are magic," said Emily.

"Hello, I am Catalina Juanita Aldrez. I will be your instructor today!" said the older of the two girls. "This is Eleniña Aldrez, my younger sister and assistant!"

"Don't you have a middle name?" Harry asked Eleniña.

"_Sí_," she said. "_Es_ _Maria_."

"Maria," Harry breathed. "The most beautiful sound I ever heard!"

Emily hit him.

"You can't study _Spanish_ for your MICE!" Hermione said, outraged.

They all looked at her in surprise because for once she had correctly identified a language.

"I don't see why not," Harry said, once he had recovered from his shock.

"In fact," Brianne said, "I bet everyone else in here wants to study it too! Don't you, guys?"

All of the Gryffindors were agreeable, especially those who were studying for their MICE.

So everyone began to learn _español_.

"Why are they?" the Tall Diana asked as she and the Short Diana appeared.

"I noticed there is quite a bit of French, the language you studied in junior high, throughout this story. I had to put in some of the language I studied in junior high, just to make it fair."

The Tall Diana accepted this, rolling her eyes, and they left.

Hermione sulked in a corner as the rest learned Spanish.

"Say, 'I come'," Catalina instructed.

"_Yo vengo_," the Gryffindors answered obediently.

"Very good! Say, 'he sings'."

Halfway through the lesson, Harry let out a cry of happiness.

"My radio! It's working!"

They all cheered as music played from the radio.

As they learned, the Short Diana took it upon herself to pass out popcorn and root beer floats. It rather became a Spanish-speaking party.

"It's getting late," the Tall Diana said, nursing her mug of root beer. "They have a test tomorrow. Shouldn't they be getting to bed?" she added disapprovingly.

"Yes, you're right," the Short Diana sighed, sad the last chapter she got to write by herself was almost over.

"Now we are going to describe some people in this room," said Catalina, "and you will tell us who they are. _Él tiene el pelo negro y usa anteojos_."

"Harry!" they all shouted.

"_A ella le gustan mucho los niños_!" said Eleniña.

"Emily!"

"_Él es bueno en el ajedrez_!"

"Ron!"

"_Le encanta comer chocolate_!"

"Brianne!"

Emily heard a tapping noise over the yelling and realized her owl was tapping at the window, bearing a letter.

"Oi!" she exclaimed to no one in particular. "The party planning agency responded surprisingly more quickly than usual! They have found me a new planner named Geoff. I must write to him immediately!"

"Congratulations!" Catalina announced to the Common Room. "You have mastered Spanish!"

"Hooray!" they cheered. They broke out another round of root beer floats and some little dollar sandwiches with toothpicks. Ron and Brianne began to show off their shadow puppets.

"On the other hand," the Tall Diana sighed, looking at the very hyper and happy Gryffindors, "I suppose they don't need to go to bed _right_ away."

The Short Diana smiled.

Fireworks exploded, marking the end of the chapter.

"Happy last chapter you get to write, Short."

"Thanks," the Short Diana said, very happily.

Then she and the Tall Diana joined in the party.


End file.
